


I Waited Till Death To Tell You

by Speckleflower



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste Needs Love, Angst, F/M, Giving kwamis random powers to fix ya contradictions, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Reveal, Nooroo Needs a Hug, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Poor Plagg (Miraculous Ladybug), Redemption? What's that?, Was supposed to be a one-shot but..., first fanfic oop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-02-21 21:16:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22803772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Speckleflower/pseuds/Speckleflower
Summary: "Cataclysm!" Chat Noir spat, and his hand glowed with black energy. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't destroy you!""You're the hero aren't you? You're supposed to be forgiving," Hawkmoth wheezed. Chat Noir was still for an agonising few seconds. Hawkmoth closed his eyes and screwed up his face in anticipation.Chat Noir screamed in frustration and slammed his hand down.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth/Nathalie Sancoeur
Comments: 17
Kudos: 43





	1. What's seen can't be unseen

**Author's Note:**

> First fanfic y'all! Reviews are very much appreciated! I'll try to update often, but I don't do deadlines soo... yeah. Stay with me until the end (It's gonna be great (I hope?)). Ok I'ma stop talking, have fun reading this rollercoaster :)

“Plagg!”

_ Oh, HELL no!  _ Screamed Nathalie in her head.

“Claws out!”

Nathalie gaped. Adrien- no, Chat Noir, yelled “Cataclysm!” He shoved his hand upwards and turned the massive block of stone previously trapping both him and Nathalie to black dust, which was carried away by the wind, then sprung away out of the crumbling building to where the letter, the akumatised object, had landed on the road after Ladybug’s yoyo had wrenched it from the villain’s clenched hand.

He ripped it in two, probably more violently than necessary, releasing the fluttering akuma, menacingly gleaming violet. Ladybug purified it with that dance and way too energetic voice that always made Nathalie’s head hurt whenever she witnessed it, waving goodbye to the butterfly, now pure white, which flew upwards, no doubt back to a more than a little annoyed Gabriel. Nathalie stood frozen in place, lips slightly parted. A strand of her vividly crimson coloured hair had come loose from its usual tight bun and flapped over one eye, but she paid no notice. Her brain was still trying to process what she had just seen.

The crowd which had gathered to watch the fight dispersed gradually back to their daily lives- students to school, adults to work, including one crazy dark haired teenager with glasses who had just filmed the whole scene, even through the pavement around her being ripped apart. Nathalie was pretty sure that she was the girl who ran the Ladyblog which so many people were obsessed with for the live streams of Akuma attacks, though on an afterthought, this one was probably a little shaky due to the earthquake which the akumatised person had caused.

“Pound it!” Ladybug and Chat Noir exclaimed, bumping fists, though Chat Noir’s voice sounded strangely subdued, clashing against Ladybug’s cheerfulness. The contrast made it even more obvious. Ladybug’s eyebrows furrowed, but she didn’t question why Chat Noir sounded that way, couldn’t question it, as her earrings started to beep signalling she had little time before she detransformed. “Bug out, I’ll do the Miraculous cure once I fetch the lucky charm from the roof!”

Ladybug’s voice carried on the wind, getting quieter as she swung away on her yoyo string. Her voice betrayed confusion, a need to know the truth which had always made things difficult for Hawkmoth and Mayura, a ferociousness that was  _ so  _ frustrating whenever Ladybug on rare occasion actually saw the two, normally when Gabriel tried something desperate that never worked, or when Mayura went on her own excursions to get the miraculous by herself, often ending in being overpowered and saved by an annoyed Hawkmoth. Ladybug’s tone also made it obvious that the next time the superheroes met, Ladybug would be asking Chat Noir more than a few unwanted questions. But Nathalie knew perfectly why Chat Noir spoke with forced cheerfulness, why as soon as Ladybug left, his smile that didn’t quite extend to his eyes drooped, and he sighed, shoulders slumping, gaze trained on the floor, but also unfocused at the same time, just staring at nothing. Chat Noir turned and scowled at Nathalie, who was still lurking in the shell of the broken building. When she realised he could see her, she stepped out cautiously, a piece of rubble crumbling under her foot- the only noise in the silent street.

“You shouldn’t have seen that.” He leaped away, propelled by his extended baton while the swarm of red, the Miraculous cure, restored the city to its original state, and the world repaired itself around Nathalie. But her universe inside was falling apart.

All her mind could see was the stony glare he had shot at her, and the thing that twisted her heart most was the sadness she detected in that fraction of a second, behind his irises. She had seen it too many times in Adrien’s face, and it was mirrored in his alter ego’s.

_ Gabriel won’t be happy when he finds out who Chat Noir is,  _ thought Nathalie.  _ Wow, that’s an understatement. _

Then it hit her. She staggered as if hit by a physical object and grabbed a newly repaired wall to steady herself.

_ I, as Mayura, have been fighting against Adrien. For two years. Sweet, kind Adrien who never complains when Gabriel or I forces him to do something. Adrien who is almost like a son to me. I must have hurt him so many times over the past year. Oh sh-SH*T! _ Nathalie could not hold back her emotions.

_ I am a  _ bad  _ person. I’m a monster. When Gabriel finds out Chat Noir is ADRIEN. Oh Sh*t! He would never do any of what he’s done if he knew it was Adrien. _

_ Or would he? Does he even care? _

_ Of course he does! Adrien’s so much like Emilie, he would never risk losing him. Gabriel’s getting too desperate, like a caged animal. Trapped in his sorrow. Unable to escape the overwhelming grief caused by his wife’s fate.  _ Nathalie’s mind was a swirl of unwanted feelings.

_ I’d better calm down before I go back to the mansion in case Gabriel reads my thoughts or something. Ugh, I hate it when he does that.  _ She shuddered and hurried away, relying on muscle memory to guide her feet, to lead her to her destination, because her eyes were blurry, although she didn’t know why.

**************************************

Chat Noir dropped into an alley next to his school after collecting his school bag from where he had hastily chucked it before transforming, making sure no one could see him. Being seen carrying Adrien Agreste’s schoolbag would have raised some extremely awkward questions that he didn’t want to deal with. He checked to see he was alone, and sighed, slumping his shoulders. He muttered, “Plagg, claws in,” and detransformed. After standing there for a few seconds, he slid down to the floor and sat with his back against the wall, gazing up at the small crack of blue sky visible above the buildings towering to either side. Plagg drifted into his outstretched hands- Adrien always cared for his kwami, even when he wasn’t feeling great- and moaned for cheese, specifically camembert. When Adrien did not comply, Plagg rose and scanned his face, seemed to understand something, and groaned, “I’m no kwami of emotion- that’s Duusu’s job, but I know something’s up. What did you do this time, Adrien?”

“I really messed up this time, Plagg. I revealed my identity to Nathalie.”

Plagg mentally facepalmed. But he didn’t really want to worry Adrien, so he said, “Eh, Nathalie’s okay. It’s alright, kid. It was bound to happen someday. At least, now she knows, you can finally have someone besides me to talk to about your double life.”

“I guess you’re right, Plagg, but I still don’t like that I had to do that. There should have been another way! I should have found another way! I’m Chat Noir!”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Adrien! Everyone makes mistakes. At least it’s not your father who found out your identity- he would probably try to stop you from being Chat Noir, he’s so protective. And he would find out that you’ve been lying this whole time about practising your piano when you’re actually off saving Paris!”

“Oh yeah. Nathalie can’t tell him- I need to get her to swear never to tell anyone my identity! I won’t make another mistake.”

“That’s the spirit, kid. Now give me camembert.” Plagg demanded. He had been sympathetic long enough but now he was hungry.

“Alright, alright!”

Adrien gave Plagg a piece of camembert from his pocket. Then he stood up, checked that no- one was watching, and slipped out of the alley. He walked to school as normally as he could with the conflicted emotions that were flooding his head, and tried not to glance around suspiciously, scared that he was being watched. _It’s fine,_ he tried to convince himself. _I’ve known Nathalie for years, she’s always been with me- heck, she practically raised me. She’d never betray my secret. But then, she’s constantly with my father. If he knew… he can’t know! I-_

He was startled out of his thoughts by a greeting from Nino- “Hey, dude!” When Adrien didn’t answer, instead just looking down and continuing to walk, Nino noticed that there was something off about him. “What’s up, dude? Is something wrong?” _That’s one way of putting it,_ thought Adrien. “Oh, nothing. I guess my father’s being putting me through a lot of photoshoots lately, I’m just tired. Don’t worry about me.” Adrien tried for a winning smile, one he often used while modelling- enough to satisfy the cameras, but not one of real happiness- he was rarely happy on photoshoots.

“Whatever, dude!”

They walked to school together, Nino telling him about the awesome tunes he had put together for a party Adrien’s father would never allow him to go to, and the comforting presence of his best friend made Adrien feel somewhat better. However, when he sat at his desk and Miss Bustier told the class to turn to page 38 and start reading, his mind blanked out and he stared at the blurred words on the page without taking any of it in.

**************************************

Gabriel was thinking. His tablet lay abandoned on the desk, a half finished design. But he wasn’t really in a designing mood today- his mind just wasn’t set on it. Instead, he was thinking that maybe he’d gone too far with Hawkmoth. He had hurt so many people. Most of all, he had hurt Chat Noir and Ladybug. They were literally children under the suits, he could tell that even though their identities were secret, from the way they acted, probably some enhanced senses Nooroo had given him.

The heroes of the city seemed to every day parry his akuma attacks tirelessly, always restoring Paris back to normal. But as a miraculous wearer, Gabriel knew it wasn’t tireless. He knew more than anyone what a burden it was. But he couldn’t help that! If they didn’t stop him every time because they thought he was trying to be evil, he would already have the miraculous! _I’m doing it for Emilie._ He tried to console himself by telling himself it was for a good cause, to bring his wife back, but it didn’t work. She wouldn’t want this, even if it saved her, because she wouldn’t want to be an exchange for so much pain. He needed to stop. He had built the illusion around himself that he was being the hero, saving his wife, waking her from a coma. But he was evil, he would do anything and everything to get the miraculous of Ladybug and Chat Noir. He hadn’t killed anyone yet, but he feared he would one day, when he was getting desperate. Ladybug’s cure always fixed anything after she captured his akuma, but if it didn’t, people could be seriously injured, and it probably couldn’t bring someone back who had been killed. Gabriel was afraid of when that would happen. It was bound to happen one day. He would do something rash that not even the luck of Ladybug could fix.

**************************************

Nathalie walked stiffly into the office and sat at her desk, deliberately keeping her gaze down so she wouldn’t catch Gabriel’s eye and immediately break down. _Keep it together._ Gabriel immediately glanced up, face registering confusion and concern. She clearly hadn’t done a good job of keeping her emotions in check as his damned miraculous had picked it up; the memory of what she had witnessed was still raw in her mind and refusing to leave. “Nathalie, are you…”

“Gabriel,” Nathalie warned. “Drop it.” But she was very sceptical that Gabriel would listen; he was so stubborn, it was endearing. _Shut up Nathalie!_ She tried to control her feelings, lock them in a box and throw the key far away, because they were so unhelpful.

“Are you… okay?” Gabriel inquired. “Your emotions are very… heightened today.” Nathalie ignored him and logged into her computer, concentrating on every key which she pressed harder than usual while typing her password, intent on thinking about nothing but the tasks she had to complete today. _Organise Adrien’s schedule to include his photoshoot at 4:00 today, arrange a meeting with the new client from Germany…_ Gabriel persisted- “Nathalie…?”

“Get out of my head!” snarled Nathalie. _Don’t even think about it. He can’t know._ Nathalie didn’t know why she didn’t want to tell him about Adrien. _I’m supposed to be his loyal partner. But I just feel like he shouldn’t know._ _Not yet._ Gabriel’s clear voice brought her back to the office. “Confusion, anguish, confliction, insecurity.” He drew in a breath sharply. “Nathalie, what are you hiding?”

“Gabriel, stop right now!” Nathalie took a few breaths before meeting his eyes and saying more calmly. “Sir, it’s nothing.” Her tone was final. But she could tell from Gabriel’s piercing stare that he didn’t believe her. Suddenly it all became too much for her, she cried out and slumped to her knees, back against her desk. “Nathalie!” Gabriel sounded alarmed, but his voice seemed far away. He rushed over to her and held her shoulders tentatively. She couldn’t take it anymore. “Sir… Adrien.” She seemed at a loss for words.

 _My son? What about him could have caused Nathalie to be like this?_ Gabriel racked his brains but could think of nothing. Nathalie tried to say something but choked. She hugged her knees, and shook her head slightly. “You don’t have to speak Nathalie.” He held out his hand. Nathalie stared at it for a few seconds as if she had never seen it before, but then she slowly took it and her emotions flooded out so strongly that Gabriel almost fell backwards. She grabbed his arm as if it was her only anchor to the world, nails digging in, but he didn’t flinch. He saw her mind more clearly than ever, perhaps his abilities, even while detransformed, had strengthened, he made a mental note to ask Nooroo about it later. Or it was possible that Nathalie, who had always been guarded and had built a wall around her mind in order to concentrate on work, had let her barriers down? Or maybe he was just becoming more perceptive.

In Nathalie’s mind, Gabriel saw Adrien and Nathalie trapped under a huge rock. That was today. Aa-aand his akuma had done that. Gabriel withdrew himself from Nathalie’s memories and scolded himself mentally for not making sure her and Adrien had been out of the way when he akumatised the heartbroken man. _Or maybe you just didn’t care._ A voice in his mind taunted him.

_No! It was just a mistake!_

_But mistakes like yours can cost lives._

_I’ll never make that mistake again! Not again! Not after… Emilie._

The voice in his mind continued. _You don’t care. You’re a monster._ Gabriel tried, but he couldn’t justify himself, couldn’t make any excuses for what he had done. He held Nathalie again and instantly her memories resumed playing through the scene from earlier. He saw Adrien and Nathalie trapped, Adrien’s eyes, flashing a million different thoughts, synchronising into steely resolve. Gabriel had seen that expression before, so many times, when he had been purposely cold towards Adrien, told him to go and practise his piano or Chinese, refused his plea to go out with friends. Adrien yelled defiantly, “Plagg! And a horrible feeling spread over Gabriel as he realised what was going to happen, what he had been blind to for years. “Claws out!”

Nathalie started shaking and he rocked with her as he saw his son’s transformation, ears, tail, black suit. Chat Noir used the power of Cataclysm to free Nathalie and himself, and he raced away to fight the akuma. My son Adrien. Is. Cat. Noir. Gabriel shivered and let out the breath he didn’t know he had been holding, while doing so he bit his lip so hard he tasted coppery blood, blinking back tears, and he knew Nathalie knew he understood. Guilt washed over him like an icy blanket of thorns as he realised what he had done to his son, what he had put him through, he replayed in his head every time he had punched, kicked, hit, trash talked, taunted, threatened, his son, either in person or with an akuma. He knew Nathalie was also thinking the same thing. _How does Adrien do it? Live a double life, save Paris from fricking me every day, finish his schoolwork, suffer through every photoshoot I force on him, modelling, adverts, fencing, piano, Chinese, everything!_ With a great effort it seemed, Nathalie lifted her head, meeting his eyes, and then without a word they leaned on each other for support, drowning in their overwhelming emotions while above them two kwamis lamented with equally tearful gazes.


	2. Sparks between us

Plagg knew that ever since Adrien had got to school and lessons had started, he had been thinking about what had happened earlier. Plagg also knew that the boy was blaming himself, but that wasn’t fair- he really had had no choice. And then the kwami realised something, and he gasped, then instantly cursed himself. Normally, Adrien would have noticed and checked inside his bag, where Plagg was, to see that he was okay, but now he was too sad to notice, and it hurt Plagg. The kwami took a deep breath and went through the facts in his mind, trying to form a conclusion.

Plagg had seen Nathalie close up when they were trapped, seen the fear in her eyes. More importantly, he had seen a miraculous on her. Specifically, the peacock miraculous. Meaning… she was Mayura. And she was working with Hawkmoth. He didn’t know who the villain who had enslaved Nooroo was though. He suspected it might be Adrien’s father. That would not be good for the kid, but it was very possible. He needed to think about it some more though. And he needed to talk to Tikki. She would know what to do. She always knew what to do.

**********************************

Tikki was so worried about Adrien, Plagg’s chosen. Marinette had seen it as well, she had been concerned, and had whispered this to Tikki while under the pretence of checking for something in her schoolbag that she intended to ask Adrien after class if he was ok. Tikki dared to peek out from Marinette’s purse to glance at Adrien. To her surprise she saw that Plagg was staring intensely straight at her, almost his whole head was poking out of Adrien’s bag on the floor. His face was uncharacteristically solemn. _Get down!_ Tikki mouthed at him, furiously motioning with her arms. He made bug eyes at her and pointed downwards, gesturing for them to go down to the classroom below. Normally, Tikki would have dismissed this because every time she agreed, Plagg wanted to tease her, or talk about something completely unnecessary, like cheese, but he looked so serious, this could mean only one thing- something was wrong. And it was probably to do with Adrien, as the boy looked extremely dejected, he was slumped in his chair, head rested on his hand, staring down at his desk but not comprehending the words on his book. She glanced back to Plagg, who was still watching her, waiting for an answer. She nodded once, and they both phased down into the room below. As soon as they knew they were alone, they embraced and floated down to rest on a desk. “Good to see you Sugarcube,” said Plagg heavily.

“You too, Plagg.” said Tikki dismissively, not wanting to waste time on formalities. “What’s wrong? Is it about Adrien?” Plagg was silent. “What is it?” urged Tikki, a touch of impatience creeping into her voice. “Come on Plagg, Marinette will notice I’m gone, they’re in Geography now and she’s, well, hopeless at the subject. She sometimes asks me about it even though I have absolutely no idea, you know that! Anyway, my point is that if she notices I’m gone she’ll panic!”

Plagg seemed to have not heard any of that, he shuddered and Tikki put her arm around him. “It’s alright Plagg, I’m here.”

“Adrien revealed his identity,” Plagg whispered, looking shell- shocked.

“What! That’s terrible!” Of all the things Tikki thought he might say- she had even compiled a list in her mind (and most of the points were something to do with cheese)- that was not it.

“You haven’t heard it all yet,” Plagg warned.

“To whom? Who did he reveal his identity to? How?” She was almost too scared to ask.

After a second, Plagg answered. “Nat- Nathalie Sancoeur, his father’s assistant. Adrien had to transform in front of her this morning at the akuma attack; they were trapped in a crumbling building- he had no choice.”

“Oh no!” Tikki cried. “I don’t know much about her, is she…?”

“Trustworthy? Can she keep Adrien’s secret? Yeah, sure, if you don’t take into account that I’m pretty sure that… she’s… Mayura.”

“What! Mayura? How do you know?” Tikki gasped.

“I’m pretty sure she was wearing the peacock miraculous. And I think… I felt Duusu’s presence.”

“Duusu! Are you sure! Oh, I miss her so much, it’s been so many years since we last saw her!”

“I’m sure. Now that I think about it again I have no doubt.”

“But Plagg, that means that she’s working with Hawkmoth! Do you have any idea who he is?”

“No, I only have a suspicion. But I hope it’s wrong, because, well, judging from the way Hawkmoth and Mayura act and the way Nathalie is with… him.” Plagg took a deep breath. “I think that Hawkmoth may be… Adrien’s father, Gabriel Agreste. You know about him?”

“Yes,” Tikki mused. “Marinette’s obsessed with fashion and he’s the best designer in Paris, how could she not know him? And he’s Adrien, her crush’s father.”

“Do you agree that he could be… Hawkmoth?”

“Well, he’s very cold towards Adrien, and he doesn’t let him out much… it’s’ a possibility.”

”Well, I’m no Nooroo,” At the mention of the butterfly kwami’s name Tikki sighed and a wistful expression formed on her face. “But I think there’s something between Nathalie and Gabriel. It would make sense if he’s Hawkmoth. She just wants to help him, she’s devoted to him, but he’s fighting for something else. Something that means he can’t give Nathalie what she desperately wants.”

“Could it be about his wife? I mean, assuming he’s Hawkmoth- which we haven’t confirmed yet, by the way, she’s missing right? He could be trying to get her back?”

“Tikki you’re amazing!” Both the kwamis were putting it together at the same time. “Emilie’s portrait is on a wall, and I see him staring longingly at it. I don’t know where she went, but I know that he wants her back. He… _wishes_ she could come back.”

“And every akuma attack, he has conveyed that he wants the-“

“Miraculous,” breathed Plagg.

“Of Cat Noir and Ladybug, which can-”

“Grant any wish to alter-”

“Reality.” Finished Plagg.

They both sat in stunned silence, but then she spoke.

“So everyone in Paris thinks he’s evil, but he’s acting out of love!”

“Tikki, don’t you dare say that’s cute.”

”I wasn’t going to Plagg! Okay, now I’m certain that this is the truth- Gabriel Agreste and Nathalie Sancoeur are Hawkmoth and Mayura. But we must wait until we know more before we act. This is very serious. I don’t think we should tell our owners about this- it would worry them too much.”

“But it might not be safe for Adrien! He may be living in the same house as Hawkmoth, and Nathalie would probably tell Gabriel about his identity- they’re partners!”

“I’m not so sure, after I heard you describe her. She seems… secretive. I need to think about this more, I’ll visit you soon.”

“Ok Sugarcube, see you around.” Both kwamis wordlessly floated upwards back to their respective owners just in time for the bell to go, unease fluttering in their stomachs like one of the akumas their best friend Nooroo was forced to create.

**************************************

_My son is Chat Noir_ , thought Gabriel. He didn’t know what to do. Without a doubt, last year he wouldn’t have hesitated to march to Adrien’s room and take his miraculous by force. Or he would have taken it while his son slept. But now he chose to wait until he could think clearly and decide what to do. He realised that his suspicions had been right the day he had akumatised Adrien’s bodyguard- he had thought that Adrien and Chat Noir’s rings were similar and therefore they were the same person, he had even compared them side by side on his tablet. He had seen Adrien falling from the top of the building and begged silently for him to transform, only now he realised that he wouldn’t have dared to do so out in the open- his son had counted on Ladybug to save him. But Ladybug was being held by Gorizilla, and so Hawkmoth had ordered him to drop Ladybug at the last second to save Adrien. But that didn’t explain how he had seen Adrien and Chat Noir standing next to each other. However, then he realised that ‘Adrien’ was probably just one of his fans, dressed up, and he cursed himself for throwing his suspicions out of the window as soon as he thought he saw his son and Chat Noir standing side by side from an akumatised person’s eyes.

Before, he would have dismissed the option of his son being Chat Noir, because they acted so differently, but then he realised that he barely saw his son, who wouldn’t act the same around him as he did with his friends.

It was true. Adrien was Chat Noir. And it destroyed Gabriel. He had to find out more. And he could only ask one being. He hesitated, and then spoke.

“Nooroo.” He called softly. The purple kwami phased out from his shirt obediently, immediately, Gabriel felt colder, as if Nooroo brought a warmth which he hadn’t realised was there. But he was always there, and now he spoke. “Yes master?”

“I need you to explain something to me. How could I see into Nathalie’s mind earlier? The image was so vivid, and I wasn’t even transformed! I’ve never been able to do that before.”

The kwami met his eyes and told him. “Because you needed to know. So I helped you. Perhaps if you tried to use the miraculous for good, you would discover many new abilities, if you just opened your mind?” He said timidly.

“I am using it for good!” Gabriel snapped and Nooroo cowered. “I just want to get Emilie back!”

“Your intention is good, but your methods are… well, I think you should be going about it differently. You should be thinking about what she would want- I knew her, master-“

At this point Gabriel almost snapped at his kwami that he didn’t know anything about Emilie, what she wanted, what she needed, but then he didn’t, because he realised that Nooroo knew. More than him. For once he should just shut up and listen, but it was hard to admit this to himself.

“She wouldn’t want you to cause all of the pain you have caused just to get her back. She’s gone, Gabriel.” He addressed his master by his first name as he gained confidence. His voice burst with compassion and Gabriel felt a pang of agony in his heart as he thought about his lost wife. “You know she wielded Duusu, she felt first-hand the negative emotions, and she hated it, but she still tried to help them, even if it hurt her. And it did. She went too far and she got ill. She fell into an incurable coma. Now you have to understand that she’s gone Gabriel, please! But she still lives in Adrien, your son. You barely even show that you love him! And I know you do, so much! So stop distancing yourself from him, he needs a father! He feels so alone, I feel every day. And I know you do too, thanks to your miraculous. Why don’t you do anything about it? Please!”

Nooroo stared at Gabriel, chest heaving with emotion, and Gabriel felt as if a wave of ice- cold water had crashed over him as the world faded to nothing, Nooroo’s eyes burned into him and he was plunged into a memory.

He was in his lair, watching through an akumatised person’s eyes. It was Riposte, the girl who was in Adrien’s fencing class. She grabbed Chat Noir’s baton and knocked him to the floor, where Ladybug lay groaning from when Riposte had felled her with a sharp kick. Chat Noir, _Adrien,_ curled into a ball on the floor, hand raised for mercy. The heroes were only saved by Officer Raincomprix, and he came only just in time to stop Riposte from ripping off Chat Noir’s ring. The memories sped up. Gabriel saw Chat Noir being slammed to the floor by Anansi, thrown across a football by Stoneheart, manipulated by Volpina, and shown their worst nightmares by Sandboy. Gabriel’s eyes flitted back and forth, unable to take it all in, he squeezed them shut tight, but the images of what he had done to his son were seared onto the back of his mind. He yelled in rage, but this time, it wasn’t directed at the heroes; he was so mad at himself. He snapped back to his office, breathing heavily, heart thudding, guilt threatening to swallow him up in its jaws. Nooroo gazed at him in horror, feeling his distress and despair streaming off him in waves, worried he had shown Gabriel too much. But then the kwami reasoned, if he didn’t try, his master would never change. And he needed to.

**************************************

Nathalie sat at her desk. Gabriel was at his. To anyone else, it would have looked like a normal day. But their minds were both far from work. Nathalie was so distracted, and it felt like the silence was eating her up. She needed to fight it, and the only person to talk to was Gabriel, so she talked.

“Sir, are you okay?” She paused when Gabriel met her eyes, then pressed on. “Sir, have you ever thought about… how much Adrien resembles Emilie?”

He sighed wearily. “Every day Nathalie.”

“But you don’t seem to… show him much… love.”

“Don’t tell me how to be a parent!”

“I don’t know why you’ve distanced yourself from him ever since Emilie…”

“Nathalie, I don’t want to talk about it!”

”Oh my god Agre- sir.” Nathalie bit her lip sharply to stop herself from saying any more. _How the hell did I make that mistake? I haven’t called him Agreste since school!_ “Gabriel, you need to talk about it! You can’t just keep it all inside!” She folded her arms defiantly.

 _Wow._ Gabriel hadn’t seen this much character from Nathalie since… school? He didn’t realise until now how much he had missed it. It had seemed like Nathalie had lost all her emotions when she became an adult. Now that he thought about it, what had happened to her? He remembered a conversation between the two of them when she had applied for the job as his assistant, it had been the first time they had seen each other in almost 5 years.

_“Nathalie?”_

_“Hey Agreste.” Nathalie said wearily. The red streak in her hair had somewhat faded and her eyes no longer sparkled, instead, to Gabriel they seemed aged, as if she had been through a lot. “Long time no see.”_

_“Um… how’s… life?”_

_“To be honest Gabriel, not great.” Her voice faltered, as if she were going to say something else, but then she stopped. “So yeah, I need a job.” After a while, she took a deep breath and spoke again. “I see you’ve done well. I knew you would, you know. Congrats on your marriage, by the way. You and Emilie look amazing together.”_

_“Thank you,” Gabriel said absent-mindedly. ”What made you apply for the job as my assistant? It’s not exactly an exciting job. And I remember you were always… I don’t know, I felt like you had so much potential.”_

_“I’m not gonna work at some McDonalds my whole life, Gabriel. I need to have purpose. This job will give me that. I’m capable, but I wasn’t meant to be a higher power, a boss, a leader. I’m not creative or imaginative like you. But I can organise.”_

_Gabriel had accepted her application that same day._

Gabriel was jolted out of his memory by Nathalie’s raised voice. “Gabriel, I know it hurts you to think about her, and that’s probably why you deliberately don’t see Adrien a lot, because he reminds you so much of her. I see your face every time you look into his eyes- I know you can see her in them, and I can see your guilt. But she’s gone! Adrien’s so sad that you don’t even eat with him, ask him how school went, encourage his Chinese and fencing progress!” Gabriel tried to stutter something, taken aback, but Nathalie continued, voice sounding slightly hysterical, probably a result of emotional stress. “Don’t think that I’m heartless Gabriel. And don’t think for one second that I don’t miss her! Emilie was my best friend! If you don’t recall…” Her sentence had started in an accusatory tone, but it finished as a whisper. “We… all were. At school.” _God, it’s been so long since I remembered what we were like at school._ Nathalie drifted into a memory.

_“Nathalie, help me!” Gabriel cried desperately. “I don’t understand this science homework!”_

_Nathalie rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “Gabriel, you know this is due next lesson, in like, 10 minutes, right?”_

_“Yeah… but please help me!” He gestured to his exercise book. “I don’t know what the hema- haemogob- goblins-”_

_Nathalie raised her eyebrows. “Haemoglobins? Gabriel, you’re hopeless.”_

_Gabriel gave her a puppy dog stare, which was so funny that she laughed out loud._

_“Alright, I’ll help you.”_

**********************************

_“Thank you Nathalie,” said Gabriel gratefully, closing his exercise book._

_“Next time, actually do your homework at home, instead of drawing, yeah?”_

_He looked taken aback. “How do you know I draw?”_

_“Please, Gabriel. I know you! The boys are playing football and you’re in a corner somewhere, head in your notebook. Don’t look so scared! You’re probably gonna be famous when you grow up.”_

_“Thanks.”_

_“No problem, you can count on me Gabe.”_

Gabriel spoke, jarring her out of her memories. “Are you okay? You seemed a little… unfocused.”

“Oh, yeah. I was just… remembering something.”

“May I ask what?”

“Personal questions, huh?”

“Well considering what happened earlier…” Gabriel shrugged, and Nathalie continued what she was sure he was thinking.

“Well that wasn’t exactly professional, huh? I mean we were both on the floor crying our eyes out because Adrien is…” She took a deep breath, worried she had gone too far. “Chat Noir.” Gabriel stared at her, but it wasn’t unfriendly. It reminded her of the look he had given her when he begged her to help him with his homework, nearly 15 years ago. Nathalie realised that he didn’t want to feel alone, he needed to talk to someone, and that person happened to be her. She thought of the time at school when he had been the odd one out, the small boy who liked to draw, who shrank back in front of bullies, and Nathalie had been the girl who stuck by him, and he had admired her for her confidence, although she had scared him a little bit. However, when she had started working for him, the roles had been reversed- he was the boss, she was the quiet assistant. It was as if she had dulled, lost her edge, her character. And it was because of… _No, I don’t need to think about that right now._

Anyway, now she was in the position of power. She was in a better state of mind than Gabriel, he was… lost. He had never been a mentally strong person, but Nathalie knew she could deal with more than he could, she had been through… more. Now Gabriel silently begged her to talk, break the silence. And she decided to talk.

“Okay, I was remembering… school. I was helping you with your science homework.”

“Oh.” They were both really awkward as they never talked like this, but Gabriel’s face softened. “We used to be so different.”

“Yes,” Nathalie murmured. Then she glanced at the time on her computer and realised that it was time for her to leave. “Um, I have to go home now.”

“Nathalie, just don’t use the peacock miraculous, ok?” Nathalie realised that his voice had dropped its formality; probably due to him still being shocked by Adrien being Chat Noir.

“Yes sir.” As she walked out, Nathalie traced the outline of the peacock miraculous in her pocket. _Maybe I will. But for your own good, Agreste._ A shadow of a smile returned to her face, despite what she was about to do.


	3. You don't know me beneath this mask

Marinette couldn't sleep. Whenever this happened, which was really often, she always perched on the edge of her rooftop and drew various fashion designs on her notepad. Dresses, jackets, T-shirts, skirts- whatever came into her mind, although it was mostly female fashion- it came easiest to her. She knew her caring parents would disagree with this, well, not the drawing part, as they knew she was passionate about it, but the sitting on the edge of the roof part- they were very protective, she couldn't help it.

She always had ideas, many of them inspired by the things she saw from up here- the pigeons that flocked in the daytime, the glittering stars at night, ideas that clamoured to be first put on paper, and then made. For this purpose she had always collected any scraps of fabric she could find- old clothes that no longer fitted her, cheap pieces on sale from the material shop, spare scraps from the textiles classroom that she begged for, and would have been denied if she were any less experienced. Now she had a massive box stuffed with different odds and ends she had collected.

Since she had been young, she had dreamed of one day getting her own fashion store. She could imagine a hundred different items, all carefully hand-crafted by her, her glittering gold signature found tucked away on every piece. In the back, her own workshop. Reams and reams of fabric in all textures and patterns. A beautiful array of vibrant shades. Designs pinned on every wall, pencilled notes scrawled over them. It sounded like heaven.

With a comforting pang of nostalgia, she remembered the day she had finally saved up enough money to buy a sewing machine. Her parents had grudgingly agreed- they had thought that this obsession with designing was just a temporary affliction, so wouldn't buy her the most expensive one. But she didn't need the best one, making do with an average priced machine- once her parents had seen her obvious talent, they had fully supported her. She loved that about them- that they wouldn't force her to be bakers like them, but they would allow her to do whatever she wanted for a career, as long as it gave her stable income.

This made her think of Adrien- that probably wasn't true for him- he would be overshadowed by his father his entire life- always being pressured to be the perfect example of a model. Even after he turned 18 and legally didn’t have to listen to his father, he would still have an unhappy life. She had no idea what Adrien really wanted to do when he was older, but he had once expressed an interest in teaching. He would probably be a great teacher- he was good at lessons, and was kind and patient. After Manon had been akumatised into Puppeteer, he had been so nice to her, knowing exactly what to do to make her feel loved. She hoped with all her heart that he would be able to achieve his dreams one day. Maybe even… she dared to hope. It would be… with her?

Dangling her legs over the edge of the rooftop, Marinette thought for the millionth time how glad she was to have this space, where she could be alone. She especially loved it at night- she savoured the atmosphere of the cool breeze and the darkness, being able to gaze over the jumbled array of rooftops, her drawing pad illuminated by softly glowing multi coloured fairy lights that she had rigged up. Tikki rested comfortably in the crook between Marinette's neck and right shoulder; Marinette savoured the warmth of her kwami's tiny body. _I'm so grateful that I have a friend like Tikki who understands me so well. I don't know what I would do without her._

Suddenly Marinette felt Tikki tense, the kwami flew forwards a bit. The lack of her presence on Marinette's shoulder made it feel cold, as if a part of her had left- she and her kwami were so in tune, they were like one being. Tikki was staring at something in the distance, then spoke urgently, while pointing with a tiny red arm, "Marinette, look over there!". Marinette strained her eyes and saw a dark blue streak moving steadily over the rooftops. After watching it for a while, Tikki confirmed her suspicions. "Marinette, it's Mayura."

"What is she doing so late at night? And why did she come out? We never see her!" Marinette asked her kwami rapidly in her panic, which was slowly building. "Tikki, she's probably up to something! We should go and confront her!"

"Yes Marinette. I agree, she is most probably going to do something bad."

Marinette narrowed her eyes. "Well, we can't let her! Tikki, spots on!"

**************************************

Mayura ran lightly across the rooftops, her dress streaming out behind her. In other circumstances, she would love running like this- it was an escape from her life as an assistant, although it wasn’t always boring, the peacock miraculous had led her to discover another side of herself. As Mayura, she could be confident and free.

In her hand she tightly clutched Adrien’s ring, his miraculous. Slipping it off his finger while he was sleeping had been almost too easy. It had felt wrong to sneak into his room like that, but it was necessary, she told herself. Soon everything would be right again. She would get the Ladybug miraculous and Emilie would come back, and her, Gabriel and Adrien would be a family again, and Nathalie would…

Anyway, Gabriel and Adrien would be happy.

Her mouth thinned into a grim smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes as she remembered the day she had talked to Gabriel about Emilie for the first time.

_Nathalie stood behind Gabriel, who was carefully sketching in his notebook. She bit her lip to stop herself from laughing when she saw his face, etched with concentration. “I bet you’re drawing that dress for Emilie,” she said. Gabriel yelped as he realised she was there, he looked stricken, snatching his notebook to his chest. “Don’t worry,” Nathalie assured. “It would look great on her.” Gabriel’s face coloured, but he seemed relieved. “Oh Gabriel, you know you’re gonna be so successful one day when you figure out how not to be such an unsociable doorstop!” she teased. “And get it into your head that I’ll always support you. You wanna know why I stuck by you? Because you’re not the cool guy. You have talent, not a stupid big mouth; you’re actually worth being around. Now you should definitely show Emilie the design!”_

_“But what if she doesn’t like it?” Gabriel fretted._

_“I know she will.” Nathalie had a knowing glint in her eye._

_“How do you know that, Nathalie? Oh no, she’s not watching us now, is she?” Gabriel whipped his head around, eyes terrified._

_“Of course not! She’s way too nice to do that!”_

_Gabriel stared suspiciously at her. “Then what is it?”_

_“Nothing.” Nathalie grinned. “Just that I know you like her!”_

_“How- how did you-”_

_“Oh come on Gabriel; it’s painfully obvious! I knew since you first saw her.”_

_“Oh… ok.”_

_I also knew that Emilie felt something for you too- but it’s not my place to tell you that._

_And I also know that I… feel something… for you, Gabriel. But I will never, never tell you that._

Mayura’s expression was pained. _I literally have no idea what I’m doing. How am I supposed to find Ladybug?_ She shook the thoughts away, telling herself not to be worried. She allowed herself, just for a second, to enjoy the breeze on her face, to breathe the cool fresh air, to run without confinement or restriction, exhilarated as she vaulted over the gap between two buildings, clearing it easily. It would have been impossible without the heightened abilities Duusu gave her. _I need to talk to my kwami more, I feel like we should get to know each other better. Her presence is reassuring._ She was glad that Gabriel had allowed her to hold onto the peacock miraculous permanently, maybe he had started to talk to Nooroo more and felt that Nathalie should also have a companion. Momentarily, guilt started to creep into her mind, as she knew she had disobeyed her boss- he had specifically told her not to use the miraculous. She shook the thought away. _He doesn’t control me. And I’m doing this for him._

Suddenly, she saw a bright pink flash light up the black sky and turning her head to look in that direction, she saw a red figure coming rapidly towards her. She slowed down to watch it, and after a few seconds she realised it was Ladybug. _Wow, how did I get so lucky?_

Mayura stopped on a wide, flat roof and turned to face Ladybug, who landed swiftly a few metres away, her face a mask of suspicion. But Mayura detected a glimmer of curiosity in her crystal blue eyes. “What are you doing, Mayura?” Ladybug demanded.

“I just want to talk, so put that damn yoyo down.” Mayura warned in a low voice. Ladybug looked surprised that she hadn’t tried to attack her, like she usually did whenever Mayura or hawkmoth were seen outside. But then, this wasn’t really a normal situation. There was no visible akuma, and Hawkmoth wasn’t there. “I don’t want to fight, but I will if I have to. I just want to talk. I… I need your miraculous.” Ladybug just stared at her sceptically.

“Well that’s new,” she muttered sarcastically. Louder, she said in an accusing tone, “And why would that be?”

“I intend to make a wish with the black cat and ladybug miraculous, but it will not harm anyone,” said Mayura, raising her chin.

“Oh yeah? What wish?” mocked Ladybug.

“You… don’t need to know.”

“Well, you need both miraculous for the wish and Chat Noir isn’t here, and anyway he would never give you his.”

Mayura ignored this comment. “Please, I don’t want to fight, I’ll return them to you straight after.”

“Yeah, right. I bet Hawkmoth has some plan to ambush me and you’re just keeping me talking. Well, I’m not going to fall for it!” _Uhhhh,_ groaned Mayura in her head. _Why does Ladybug have to be so fricking perceptive? But she’s wrong this time._

“No. Hawkmoth…” Mayura faltered. “Doesn’t’ know I’m here. Just give me your miraculous, I don’t want to fight you,” she urged again.

“I’ll only believe you if you have Chat’s miraculous,” snarled Ladybug, swinging her yoyo and advancing. Clearly she didn’t believe that was possible. _Just wait._

“I have it,” snapped Mayura, taking out the ring while taking a step forward. Ladybug’s yoyo string tangled and dropped to the ground. Ladybug’s eyes widened, betraying disbelief, which gave way to fear. “No.” She cleared her throat, trying to make her voice stronger, but it still wavered. She lifted her chin, defiant, but her courage was fading fast, replaced by hesitation and uncertainty. She made one last stab. “It’s not Chat’s miraculous. It’s a fake!”

“It’s real, I assure you.” Mayura slipped the ring on her finger, without looking away. She saw a green flash and a hovering black creature materialised next to her. _A kwami. Adrien’s kwami._ Before she could fully register this, a spike of pain erupted in her head, and she was hit by a wave of exhaustion. Mayura gritted her teeth and gasped, ripping the ring off and the kwami disappeared in a flash, along with the pain. It obviously wasn’t good to wear more than one miraculous at a time.

Ladybug’s mouth opened and closed but no sound came out. Suddenly she seemed to lose her air of confidence that she always had, taking a small step back and tensing her shoulders, assuming a defensive stance. “No,” she breathed. “How?”

Mayura couldn’t bring herself to meet Ladybug’s eyes. “I know who Chat Noir is.” Her voice was nothing more than a whisper. Her throat felt raw and she felt a wash of shame to be hurting Ladybug, as the distressed, teenage girl in her shone out more than ever now that she was at a loss for words. She tried to convince herself that she was doing this for good. _If I could get Ladybug’s miraculous now, it would prevent so much damage in the future. I have do this. For Gabriel._

Mayura could see that the wild panic reflected in Ladybug’s eyes were about to cause her to do something rash, and by now she also knew that any further attempt to obtain Ladybug’s earrings would be futile- she had no hope of getting them. But even if she did have a chance, she didn’t think that she would have been able to bring herself to. Now more than ever she let herself feel the emotions of those around her- Duusu was the kwami of emotion after all. She opened her mind, and immediately staggered, unused to the rush of emotions that almost overwhelmed her. When she helped Gabriel as Mayura, she only allowed herself to focus on the victim, exploiting their weakness to create a sentimonster, ignoring anything else. But now she deliberately let all of the emotions come- she felt joy, sadness, relief, confusion, despair and dismay, coming from everywhere, all at once. Most of all she felt Ladybug’s distress, the strongest of them all, as the black spotted hero was standing right in front of her. Ladybug was helpless. Now that she had experienced all of this, she physically couldn’t harm her. The hero was untouchable.

Ladybug hung her head, and Mayura was astonished- it was the first time she had ever seen the normally bold, optimistic hero display any form of weakness. Mayura didn’t know what to do- break down and explain everything to Ladybug in hope she would understand and help her, or the cowardly option- run, disabling Ladybug so she wouldn’t be followed back to the mansion. Guilt overwhelmed her, until she couldn’t even think straight. But she had to act now. _Don’t do it, don’t do it!_ Mayura darted forward and slammed Ladybug to the ground, fear probably making her do it harder than she normally would, and as she backed away, turned hurriedly, almost tripping over her feet, and leaped across the rooftops, blinking back hot tears, Adrien’s ring seemed to weigh a thousand times heavier than it should.


	4. Where are you now?

After Ladybug had detransformed in her bedroom, Marinette explained to her kwami in distress what had happened during her encounter with Mayura, subconsciously rubbing her head where it had hit the ground. Tikki worriedly told her to sleep- she was overwhelmed and exhausted.

After what Mayura had revealed, Tikki resolved that she needed to see Plagg right away; a terrible suspicion was dawning on her mind. A suspicion about Hawkmoth. As Marinette got into bed wearily, Tikki asked her. It was now or never.

“Marinette, please can I go and see Chat Noir’s kwami?”

Marinette considered this in confusion- Tikki had never asked this before, but she didn’t see any problem with it- it wouldn’t cause their identities to be revealed.

“It’s important! I wouldn’t have asked you otherwise.” Tikki assured.

“Ok, but be back soon!” She shuddered, drawing her blankets around her as she imagined a day without Tikki nearby. She imagined being alone.

“I’ll be here before you wake up, in time for you to go to school.” Tikki promised, earning a groan from Marinette as she remembered she had to be up again in about four hours. She nuzzled Marinette’s cheek lovingly before she phased through the wall.

**********************************

Adrien was curled up in his bed, snoring gently. Tikki silently flew over to Plagg, who was spread out on a pillow; she whispered urgently, but as quietly as she could, into his ear. “Plagg, wake up!” Plagg turned over, regarding Tikki through drowsy slitted eyes. “Sugarcube, what are you doing here?” He drawled.

“Plagg, we need to talk.”

“Wow, rebellious, Tikki.”

“I asked permission to come from Marinette,” Tikki waved her arms in annoyed dismissal. Then she motioned for them to go to a corner of the room. Plagg rolled his eyes, but complied, groaning, “you’d better have a good reason for waking me up”.

“You know I’d never come if there wasn’t something wrong, Plagg.”

Quickly, Tikki outlined what Mayura had told Ladybug. Plagg’s eyes widened.

“Tikki? Nathalie knows Adrien’s identity.”

“Yes. And Mayura knows Adrien’s identity.”

“You don’t think…?”

“It can’t be a coincidence.”

“Nathalie is… Mayura?”

“And judging from the way Mayura interacts with Hawkmoth…”

“And other similarities…”

“Hawkmoth is… his father.”

“And Nooroo is… here!”

Tikki grabbed Plagg’s arm and they phased through the floor, fully intent on finding their kwami friend.

Plagg spoke, “Should we tell our owners that…?”

Tikki considered this. “It is very dangerous that Chat Noir and Hawkmoth are living in same house.”

“But they don’t know that right?”

“Don’t forget that Mayura knows who he is.”

“Oh no, she’ll definitely have told him!”

“I think we shouldn’t tell our owners yet, we’ll go to see Master Fu soon. He’ll know what to do.”

“Ok Tikki.”

“Which way do we go now Plagg? Where is Adrien’s father’s room?”

“How am I supposed to know?”

“You’re the one that lives here.”

“Oh yeah, I do know where he is.”

Plagg pointed and they flew quickly in that direction.

They entered through a door, and they saw through the dim light coming from the open window, a bed, occupied by Gabriel Agreste, and, asleep on a shelf was… Nooroo. The kwamis immediately flew over to him eagerly.

“Nooroo?” Tikki called quietly.

“Plagg? Tikki?” Nooroo gave a cry of joy and cried in disbelief, “I can’t believe it!” The kwamis raced towards each other and embraced, and then Nooroo whispered into their arms, his voice muffled. “It’s good to see you. You have no idea how long I have waited to see you again.” They broke apart, but remained close, tears beginning to form in their eyes.

Tikki spoke with crystal shining eyes. “I-I don’t even know what to say Nooroo. You were used… by Hawkmoth. He-”

“It’s okay, Tikki,” Nooroo met her eyes and grasped her hands in his to console her. “I’ve forgiven him.”

Plagg’s eyes were stormy as he yelped, “What? But-”

“You don’t understand, Plagg.” said Nooroo earnestly. “He’s doing it to save his wife, Emilie. The wish granted by your miraculouses will bring her back from her coma.”

“And how was that coma caused?” Plagg argued accusingly.

Nooroo sighed. “By using the damaged peacock miraculous.”

“Which Nathalie is now using.”

Nooroo bowed his head. “Yes, she is. She first donned it to save him, to protect his identity.”

“But why does she want to help him? He’s so evil!”

“Calm down guys!” Tikki pleaded, casting a feverous glance towards Gabriel, who had shifted in his sleep.

“No, he isn’t evil!” Nooroo insisted, lowering his voice in response to Tikki’s warning. “He doesn’t even do long lasting damage, Ladybug’s miraculous cure fixes everything.”

“But that doesn’t fix the emotional stress caused by it all! You can’t deny it, you feel the emotions!”

“Yes, I do. And I can also feel that his true intentions aren’t evil! I can feel the pain he’s in! He’s just so desperate to get his wife back!” Nooroo paused to take a breath. “And as to why Nathalie is so willing to help him… it’s kind of obvious.” He shrugged.

Plagg scoffed, “Oh wow, she is so in love with him.”

“Plagg!” chided Tikki. “This is not the time for joking!”

“It’s true.” Nooroo confirmed. “She loves him. So much.”

“But Gabriel’s too thick to realise, and so intent on getting his wife back.” Plagg retorted.

“Guys, he knows that she loves him. I can see it in his eyes, read it in his face. And until recently he was trying to push it away.”

“Until recently?”

“Yes. He’s… changing. He really appreciates her for her help, she’s the only one that he can confide in, and I know it’s turning into something else.”

“Nooroo, the reason we came is… you know that Adrien is Chat Noir, right?”

“Yes, it is very unfortunate that Gabriel and Nathalie also know, and that makes Adrien vulnerable. Previously, I would have been more worried though.”

“Previously?”

“Yes, he hasn’t even done anything about it yet. He’s thinking it through. Before, he would just have stormed in to Adrien’s room and ripped the ring off his finger!”

Tikki started to reply, “yes, we’re going to see Master-” but suddenly Nooroo tensed as he sensed a change in Gabriel’s breathing pattern, indicating that he was beginning to stir. “Quick, you need to leave! My master is waking!”

Plagg and Tikki left, after hurriedly hugging Nooroo goodbye. Gabriel opened his eyes and sat up groggily. “Nooroo, what just happened?”

“Uh, uh… nothing?”

“I know you’re lying Nooroo. Who was here?” Nooroo noticed that Gabriel didn’t actually sound angry, but he didn’t know what to make of it.

“I’m sorry master, it was… Plagg and Tikki.” The kwami lowered his head in shame for betraying his friends. “Chat Noir and Ladybug’s kwamis.”

Gabriel’s eyes widened.

**************************************

As soon as Nathalie detransformed after returning Adrien’s miraculous and Duusu zipped out of her brooch, the kwami turned on her. “Nathalie, that wasn’t very nice.”

“What do you mean Duusu?”

“You know what I mean! You took Adrien’s miraculous!”

“I gave it back though!” Duusu just crossed her arms and pouted. “What I’m doing is for his own good!” Nathalie insisted.

“Nathalie-”

“I would never want to hurt him!”

“But you were Mayura. You fought Chat Noir. You fought Adrien.”

“I didn’t know it was him!” Nathalie protested.

“But you knew it was a teenage boy just like him.”

“But-”

“You knew they were children.”

“I- I-”

“It didn’t stop you from hurting them.”

“Oh wow.” Said Nathalie in realisation. “I’m a… bad person.”

Duusu’s gaze turned sympathetic. “You were blinded Nathalie.”

“By what?” Nathalie scowled.

“All you wanted to do was help him.”

“What are you talking about?”

“What you just did, you weren’t just doing it for Adrien.”

“Duusu?”

“You love Gabriel, right?”

“Um…?”

“Nathalie, I’m the kwami of emotion. Don’t try to hide your feelings from me.”

“Oh my god Duusu! Fine. I love Gabriel. Happy?”

“No. How come you don’t tell him?”

“I think he… knows.”

“Of course he knows! He felt it from his miraculous the moment you decided you’d do anything for him.” Nathalie buried her face in her hands. _Could he… love me?_

“Does he…”

“I can’t tell you that.”

_Of course she can’t._

“Goodnight, Duusu.”


	5. Say my name, a little louder

“Marinette, wake up! You’re going to be late for school!” Marinette’s mother yelled up the stairs.

“Uuuhhdonwannangedup,” mumbled Marinette into her pillow.

Tikki flew in front of her and tugged on her ear gently. “Marinette, your mother’s right. You really need to get up now!”

“Uhhhh, fine,” Marinette groaned, slowly getting to her feet and stretching. Like a zombie she got dressed and packed her bag, Tikki zooming around to help whenever she could. Then she ran downstairs, grabbed a croissant from a tray on the table, kissed her parents and sped out of the door, almost toppling a stand stacked with cooling pastries in the process.

**************************************

“Ok everyone, listen up! Your exams are over now-” Everyone started cheering and Miss Bustier let them- they deserved to be happy. After a while, and the buzz had died down somewhat, she clapped her hands for silence, and immediately got it- the class adored her and were now hanging on to every word. “I have arranged a fun activity for you guys since you have worked so hard.” She was regarded with shining eyes. “So put your pencil cases and books away. Today you will be doing an orienteering trail around Paris! You’ll follow the clues, and there will be a prize at the end for the first team to get there, and then you’ll have a party!”

“Yes!” Everyone squealed as they shoved their exercise books away and started frantically making eye contact and hand gestures to their friends to arrange the teams.

“And-” she raised her voice. “ _I_ will be choosing your partners.”

“Awww!” Everyone groaned as she held up a box with the names inside.

“You’ll get to bond with your classmates, people you don’t normally work with, and it will build your teamwork skills! Don’t worry, we’ll all meet up at the end.”

Everyone waited in apprehension as Miss Bustier picked pairs of names from the box without looking, until all of the class had a partner.

“Alya and Sabrina” (Alya looked mildly disappointed)

“Juleka and Rose” (Rose clapped her hands in delight and Juleka hid her delighted smile beneath her hair)

“Nino and Ivan” (both just acknowledged each other)

“Nathaniel and Mylene” (Nathaniel looked relieved he wasn’t with a rowdy boy)

“Alix and Kim” (They gave each other a thumbs up)

“Max and Chloe” (“What! I’m with that nerd! Ridiculous! Utterly ridiculous!”)

“Lastly, Marinette and Adrien.” (Adrien smiled at Marinette, she grinned back in slight disbelief)

_I’m with ADRIEN!!! Oh, I hope there’s no akuma today, it would ruin my time with him!_

“You each have to start at a different place so there’s no cheating or tagging along with other teams.” Miss Bustier proceeded to give each team a specific place to start, along with a map. Excitedly, everyone paired up and scrambled out of the classroom eagerly.

**************************************

“Adrien, the map!” The wind had ripped it out of Marinette’s hands and it was heading for the river. “Whoa!” Adrien cried as they both began to sprint after it. It was almost at the water’s edge and Marinette threw out her hand in a fleeting last effort, but a cyclist zipped past, swerving violently with an angry shout of “Hey!”. Marinette lurched forwards to avoid the bike while Adrien tripped backwards over his own feet. Marinette tried to steady herself but her toes were at the edge of the riverbank. In a moment of panic she flailed out with her hand. It caught something- fabric? But she was already falling. Suddenly she was engulfed in freezing water, forcing a strangled gasp out of her mouth, but she had to clamp it shut tightly as water began to fill it. She thrashed around and surfaced in an explosion of bubbles, spitting out water; after a second she realised that there was someone else in the water too. Blonde hair, white jacket, black T-shirt. _Oh no! Did I drag Adrien into the river too?_ A hand found hers and she grabbed onto it, not even one thought crossing her mind that she was holding the hand of her biggest crush. Together, they hauled themselves onto the side of the river, panting and spluttering. “I- I’m s-so s-sorry,” stammered Marinette, once she had caught her breath. They were both soaking wet and shivering. “It’s- it’s fine,” said Adrien, teeth chattering. Marinette, thinking quickly, had a brainwave. “Adrien? My house is just around the corner. We can go and get dry.”

“Th-thanks Marinette,” Adrien managed to get out, nodding vigorously, as if he was hoping this motion would make him warmer. They helped each other up; Adrien shouldered his backpack which had somehow not fallen into the river with them, and they shuffled to the bakery together.

As they entered through the door, Marinette’s mom rushed towards them, eyes wide, and gasped, “What happened? Why are you soaking wet? Oh, you must be so cold!”

“Umm, we- we f-f-fell into the-the r-r-river.”

“What?” Sabine decided not to question then any further as they were obviously freezing. “I’ll get you guys towels.” She disappeared, coming back just seconds later with two large fluffy towels, which the teens accepted gratefully, wrapping them around themselves. Marinette turned to Adrien.

“Um… we can go to my room to change.” _Oh my god, that sounds so weird!_

“Um, okay?”

“Oh no! I don’t know I have anything that would fit you.” Marinette blushed and looked away.

“It’s ok, I have spare clothes in my bag, because I have a photoshoot after school. And luckily it didn’t fall in the river with us, though I have no idea why.” Actually Adrien was pretty sure that he had felt Plagg phasing through his jacket and pushing off his bag, but of course he didn’t tell Marinette that.

Marinette breathed a sigh of relief.

“Will you be ok now?” Sabine asked, as a customer came into the bakery and she moved to attend to them.

“I think so Mom,” said Marinette.

“Thank you so much for the towels, Mrs Cheng!” called Adrien, as they ascended the stairs in silence. Too late, as they went into Marinette’s room, she remembered her posters of him hung up everywhere.

“Oh,” said Adrien as he saw the pictures of him all over the walls.

Marinette stammered in a high- pitched voice, “It- it’s not what you think!”

“Er- what?”

“Yeah, the pictures! I only have them because- er- I’m into designing, you know, and well, you’re a model, obviously! So, yep, I would never keep pictures of you- I mean, if you weren’t a model, yeah!”

“Oh… ok.” _But she has pictures of all her friends, does that mean she doesn’t want me as a friend?_

They stood in the middle of the room. The awkwardness was so thick Marinette felt that if she reached out she could stir it with her hands like soup. “Um, we need to change.” She looked around frantically. “Oh, we can divide the room with this screen.” She pointed to the divider she had used when Juleka and Adrien were modelling her outfits in her room.

“Good idea.” He helped her to stand it up in the middle of the room so they could change in privacy, and Marinette grabbed a T- shirt, warm hoodie and jeans from her cupboard.

After a few minutes, Marinette timidly asked, “Are you done, Adrien?”

“Yes,” he replied. They took down the divider and Marinette leant it against her wall.

“Shall we go?” Marinette asked. Then, she realised that Adrien was shivering. “Oh, you look really cold!” He nodded, fixing her with a sorrowful green stare that made her heart melt. “I know!” She pulled out a large box from under her bed and rifled through it with her back to Adrien so he couldn’t see anything else in the box. She triumphantly pulled out a black and green hoodie. “Try this.”

“Ok.” Adrien slid on the hoodie and sighed, it was so warm and comfy, and it fitted him perfectly. “It fits me so well, it’s almost as if it was made for me!” He exclaimed. “Wait… did you make it for me? These are my favourite colours!”

Marinette panicked. There was no way she was going to tell Adrien that in this box were gifts she had made for Adrien’s birthdays for the next twenty years!

“Um, no! Why would it be for you? Because you’re so special? I mean, no! Keeping stuff _especially_ for you under my bed? Haha! What do you mean! That’s just too weird, right? Haha.”

“So who _did_ you make it for?” Asked Adrien, a little perplexed.

“Oh, someone else! Obviously, right?”

“Um… ok. Er-” Adrien pointed to the door. “Do you… wanna go?”

“Yeah, Alya’s probably texted me where everyone is- the trail’s definitely finished by now.”

Marinette looked at her messages on her phone; to no surprise there were 5 from Alya:

_Where are you girl?_

_?????????_

_Everyone else finished the trail like half an hour ago!_

_Did you get lost with Adrien or something?_

_Come to the park, we’re all waiting for you!_

As Marinette and Adrien arrived at the park some 10 minutes later Alya immediately ran up to them. “What took you so long? And why are you wearing different clothes?”

Adrien started to walk away, saying, “I’ll let you explain- I’m going to go talk to Nino now about his song mixes. Well, it was nice working with you Marinette!”

Marinette grinned back with glazed eyes, and promptly walked into a tree.

“Gimme deets, girl!” Alya exclaimed as she grabbed Marinette’s arm to stabilise her.

“So… we kinda fell into the river.”

“What!”

“The map flew away, and then we were chasing after it… and then there as this cyclist. We just… fell in.” Alya gasped, hands flying to her mouth. “We were really close to my house, so I said we could go and get dry there.” At this moment Alya’s eyes widened in disbelief and something that looked suspiciously like glee. “He had spare clothes in his bag which fell on the side of the river, because he had a photoshoot after school, so thankfully I didn’t have to go through the awkward situation of trying to find clothes for him.” Marinette shuddered.

“As if it wasn’t already awkward enough that Adrien Agreste was in your house?” Alya sniggered.

“But-” Marinette fiddled with the string on her hoodie.

“Whaaat?”

“You see that hoodie he’s wearing?”

“Yep.”

“It’s from… my… box-”

“The one with the birthday presents for him for the next twenty years! You mean you made that hoodie? And he’s wearing it?” Alya squeezed out in one breath, voice rising in both pitch and volume, so much so that Marinette shrank back.

“Ye- yes?”

“Yass girl! Does he know you made it for him?”

“Of course not!”

“Ugh, that was such a perfect opportunity!”

“I didn’t know what to say! If I had told him why I had it, it would have sounded so weird!” Marinette had to change the subject. “So, um, what did you get up to?”

Alya gave her a look, like _this conversation isn’t over._ “Well, I was with Sabrina right?”

“Uh- huh.”

“So, we kind of got on well together.”

“How? Anyone who tags along with Chloe-”

“Yeah, I kinda reprimanded her for buckling under Chloe like that, for being her slave. But then we started talking about Ladybug and she opened up. Sabrina really admires her you know.”

“Mmhmm.”

“So yeah. We learned to co- operate, and she’s actually pretty good at map reading and solving clues, so we ended up winning.”

“What was the prize?”

“Oh my god Marinette, Sabrina and I get to do 80% of the words on that really long assignment, you know the history essay! And we get to listen to music with headphones in class! Miss Bustier is the best!”

“Nice!”

“It’s totally sweet!”

“Who came last?”

“Well, Alix and Kim were the last _pair_ to arrive,” Alya said slowly, as if she were carefully choosing her words. “You’d think that the fact they race everywhere would put them in one of the top positions, but they went to the complete wrong place. Reading the map wrong led them so far away that they couldn’t make up for the lost time! But I could tell they really enjoyed themselves! However, Chloe was the last person to come. Max came after Sabrina and I, by himself. Chloe stomped in 5 minutes after Alix and Kim came, after she demanded Sabrina to tell her where the end of the trail was. Apparently her and Markov, Max’s robot, had some argument and Chloe refused to go anywhere with him, so Max just did the trail by himself. But Miss Bustier disqualified them both for not finishing it together, because this is supposed to be a _bonding_ activity, right?.” Alya made quotation marks with her fingers.

“What about Nino, he was with Ivan, right?”

“Strangely, those two started chatting about DJing, Nino told me. Ivan’s really into that stuff, but he was too scared to try before- remember when he got akumatised because he made a song for Mylene and she got scared? Well, Nino’s gonna help him with it, introduce him to the tunes, you know?”

“Wow, Miss Bustier was right! New friendships have been made that we would have previously thought unlikely.” Simultaneously the sounds of laughter and partying hit their ears. Alya grabbed Marinette’s arm and turned her in the direction of their friends.

“Now let’s get to that party, girl!”

**************************************

Gabriel glanced at Nathalie. She stiffened, as if she had felt his gaze on her, but she stared at her screen and continued writing on her notepad. She was tense; Gabriel could see the whiteness of her knuckles as she gripped her pen, the tightness in her clenched jaw. She was radiating _awkward,_ so Gabriel looked away. He could feel the relief emanating off her, and he didn’t need his miraculous for that.

Her purposeful expression brought him back to school, when Nathalie had returned from another one of the trips she went on with her parents, this time not alone.

_“Check it out, Nathalie’s back! Who’s that with her?”_

_“I don’t know.” Gabriel wasn’t really focused on what his classmate was saying. He was too busy staring at the blonde girl behind Nathalie, she stayed behind her, staring at the ground as if she was unsure of herself. Gabriel could relate, but he wasn’t sure why. Because the girl was beautiful. Her golden hair caught the sun mesmerizingly, her soft, round eyes were startlingly green, like sparkling emeralds. Nathalie looked the same as ever, although if it was possible, the crimson streak in her hair looked even more vivid. She smirked coyly at him. “Hey Agreste.”_

_“H- Hi Nathalie! How was Dordogne?”_

_“It was great! Look, I brought back a friend!” She gestured to the girl behind her. “Her name’s Emilie. She recently moved here with her Mom and she’s gonna go to our school now.” Emilie raised her head, causing her golden curls to cascade down her back; she gave Gabriel a shy smile. Gabriel realised his mouth was hanging open and he shut it quickly._

_“Nice to meet you… Emilie”._


	6. Stranger in my own skin

“What’s up Milady? You’re looking particularly blue today!” Chat Noir said as he landed deftly next to her on the Eiffel tower. It was night, and the black sky glittered with constellations. Ladybug was sat cross legged, forlornly gazing out at the city with large anxious eyes. Chat Noir thought it was a little weird that Ladybug was sitting, she was normally standing, ready and raring to leave for their nightly patrol as soon as he got there; she would always roll her eyes when he arrived late with some bad excuse and an even worse cat pun to top it off. Chat Noir shrugged and joined her, maybe she wanted to talk about something, and anyway the more time he could spend with his lady, the better. They both sat on the edge of one of the top levels of the tower, dangling their legs over; they both had no fear of falling because they could catch themselves with her yoyo or his baton. For a while they watched the stars, silver patterns etched against the black sky, and the streets below, lit with soft yellow light from street lamps.

“Oh Chat,” murmured Ladybug.

“Tell me what’s wrong Bugaboo,” inquired Chat, cocking his head. He knew immediately that something was the matter, she massively disliked when he called her that but this time she didn’t even react.

“Something happened last night.” Her voice faltered but she carried on. “It was Mayura. I was…” Chat Noir could tell that she was struggling to tell him what happened without revealing anything relating to her identity. He listened in silence; he could tell that she needed to get this out. “I saw her running over the rooftops, I was looking out of my window because I couldn’t sleep. Obviously, I thought that her being there was weird so I transformed and followed her quietly but she heard me… maybe I made a noise… I wasn’t as alert as normal because I was so sleepy. She didn’t fight me like I expected- that would have gone really badly- she just… talked.” At first Ladybug was forcing the words out but then they came more easily as if they were being dragged out of her, like she had to confer with someone or the memories would consume her. Chat Noir was glad to be that person, however he was a little apprehensive of what Ladybug would tell him next, but he tried to sound supportive. “At least she didn’t hurt you,” he soothed.

“But I don’t get it! She could have done much worse to me Chat!” Ladybug burst out angrily, startling Chat Noir. “I was distracted, and all she did was knock me over so I couldn’t follow her! She could have taken my miraculous, anything! But all she did was ask for it! I think she just panicked- she didn’t even mean to hurt me! Something has changed about her- she used to fight so mercilessly. I was lying down for a while, stunned, by the time I got up she was nowhere in sight! I’ve always been questioning Mayura’s motives, how dedicated to Hawkmoth she is. And now I’m more confused than ever. Because if Hawkmoth had sent her she would surely have attempted to take my earrings by force, that’s what he always does with his akumas. So why did she come of her own accord?”

“Just let it go, Milady! She didn’t hurt you, so what’s the point thinking about it so much?” Chat Noir tried for a signature Chat Noir grin, but it came out as more of a grimace.

“You don’t understand Chat!” choked Ladybug. “She had your miraculous!”

“Nah, it was probably just a fake, I still have it now right?” He gestured to his suit. “If she had it she wouldn’t have given it back- she’s bent on evil. These villains are all a bit weird. You never know what their intentions are,” said Chat Noir, rubbing his neck like he was trying to convince himself as much as her. It didn’t help Ladybug’s growing alarm.

“No she put the ring on and I saw your kwami! But I don’t know why she returned it to you. Almost like she only took it to prove a point. Or she just… thought she couldn’t do it- she backed out of her plan.” Ladybug swung her legs, and her fists tightened on the bar they were sitting on, conveying how uncomfortable she was. Chat wasn’t accustomed to seeing this side of her.

“You saw my…”

“Kwami, yes!” Ladybug half sobbed.

“But… Plagg didn’t tell me!” Adrien realised he had accidentally said his kwami’s name. “Oh no!”

“It’s fine, I know his name from when we swapped kwamis, remember?” Cat Noir nodded distractedly, his mental gears turning like crazy.

“Looks like you need to have a conversation with him.”

“I don’t know why he didn’t tell me, I mean, that’s pretty serious, even by his standards.” He started to get up, but Ladybug put her hand on his arm. She took a breath as if she was gathering her confidence, then spoke.

”That’s not all. Mayura said…” Ladybug’s voice faltered and she looked distressed, Chat could almost see her mind moving at a hundred miles per hour, reflected in her wide eyes. “She said she knew who you were.” Her voice was so quiet Chat could barely hear it, but he could make out the tinge of fear. She looked up, almost apologetically at him. Normally he would have been over the moon for her to be staring at him like that with her big, round, blue eyes, but now he couldn’t even focus on her.

Chat Noir’s emotions were overwhelming him and he could only block them for a small amount of time before they took control. He needed to get away. He stood up abruptly and made to leap away, drawing his arm back to extend his baton and tensing his legs. “Wait, where are you going?” Ladybug asked worriedly.

“Don’t follow me. I need to be alone.” To his relief, Ladybug didn’t attempt to pursue him. She remained sitting, shoulders slumped. His conscience told him that he should have stayed with her to make sure she was alright, but he couldn’t think. He let muscle memory guide his arms to extend his baton and whisk himself away.

He stopped briefly in front of a massive billboard filled with his face, posing with the new perfume. It was smiling, but Chat knew that he was never really happy when these photos were taken. _It’s fake. It’s all pretence. A mask. This isn’t me. No one knows the real me._

He tried to supress his fury, but it needed to be let out, it had been pent up for too long, building up. But now he snapped. Chaos always won. “Cataclysm!” He growled through gritted teeth, punching the billboard as hard as he could; it crumbled to black dust. But it brought him little satisfaction. He leaped away yet again.

Only when Chat Noir was crouched on the roof of another building far away from the Eiffel tower did he stop consciously holding the mental barrier, he let it go, broke it down, giving way to endless emotions, which immediately flooded into his mind, creating black, leeching spirals of pain and destruction.

_Your identity was supposed to remain secret!_

_What will Ladybug think now?_

_Hawkmoth probably knows who you are and is coming for you!_

_He’ll pick off your friends one by one until you give in!_

“Aaaaargh! SHUT UP BRAIN!” Chat Noir yelled into the night, not caring if anyone heard. He listened to his thudding heartbeat and erratic breathing for several minutes with fists clenched so tight his nails had pierced his gloves and the skin beneath, pacing the rooftop and wringing his hands. He gathered all his energy to hold back the flood, trying in vain to calm down, eyes widening and flickering but looking at nothing, in denial of what he had just realised but trying desperately to make sense of it all. He stopped dead in his tracks and gazed at the Eiffel tower in the distance, where he knew his Lady was. He focused on her constant, comforting presence in his life.

_Order. I need order._

He stared at the tower, tracing its outline with his eyes until he could stand still and control his breathing.

_Mayura knows who I am._

_Mayura was able to take my miraculous while I was sleeping._

_Two days ago I had to transform in front of Nathalie to save our lives._

_Nathalie knows who I am._

_Nathalie is Mayura._

_Mayura is Hawkmoth’s sidekick._

_Mayura would do anything for Hawkmoth._

_Nathalie does everything for my father._

_My father is Hawkmoth._

Chat Noir collapsed and lay there on the roof, breaths shallow and ragged, until he fell asleep from exhaustion and the emotional stress of the paralysing truth he had discovered. Even when his ring had beeped for five minutes and he detransformed and Plagg hovered around him worriedly, for once not a thought of camembert entering his mind, he didn’t wake.


	7. Just give me a reason

Eathan was having a normal day, before he saw the boy on the roof. He was pretty sure that he was unconscious, and that was _mildly_ dangerous. He brought the helicopter closer, naturally, out of both curiosity and concern, asking his friend to confirm his suspicion. "Raphael, isn't that Adrien Agreste?"

Raphael peered out from the window. "The famous model? Ye- es, it is. Let's go get him and return him home." Eathan manoeuvred the helicopter closer to the roof, but he couldn't get very near without hitting the boy. "Raphael, go get him." Raphael lowered a ladder and jumped down. He gently picked up the boy and began to ascend. Anyone with less strength wouldn't have been able to do this- the boy wasn't that heavy, but trying to go up a ladder while carrying a teenage boy wasn't exactly easy. Once he was back in the cockpit, Eathan brought up the helicopter. "You're taking him."

"And face Gabriel Agreste? No way!"

"Uhhh, just do it! Otherwise we'll be accused of kidnapping him."

"Oh, we can't have that."

"Nope."

"You do it." Raphael gestured to the boy in his arms.

"Do you know how to fly a helicopter?" retorted Eathan.

"Fine, fine." Raphael flexed his shoulders in preparation to pick up the boy again.

**************************************

In the morning Adrien Agreste was reported missing from his house and hours later found on the roof of a building by a helicopter. He still slept fitfully when he was carried to his house by the pilot's friend, met by Nathalie and his father. But he eventually woke in a chair in Gabriel's office. His father was standing opposite him frowning, facing slightly away, his hands clasped behind his back, Nathalie was standing at the side of the room. His father turned when he heard Adrien's breathing changing, signalling he was awake. Rage clouded his vision and Adrien stood straight up; immediately a wave of dizziness nearly forced him to collapse again, but he fought it and stayed standing.

"WHAT. WAS. THAT?" His father's voice was fuming. "You were found on a roof, dehydrated and unconscious. No one knew where you were!"

Adrien was shaking with anger, he completely ignored his father's questions, barely hearing them. "I bet you didn't even care that your _son_ was gone. You only cared that I have a photoshoot scheduled for 10am today." He paused, and took a deep breath. He had to get this out now- he couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Why?" he growled. His father raised his eyebrows, and a shadow of doubt crossed his face; Nathalie edged backwards. "You hurt so many people. Look what you did to countless citizens of Paris. You are a liar, and a traitor."

"Adrien, what are you talking a-"

"Don't play dumb! I know that you're Hawkmoth!" Adrien shouted, stepping towards his father and pointing an accusing finger at him. "And I know that _she_ helped you." He flung a hand in Nathalie's direction. His father looked at a loss for words.

Adrien's shoulders drooped and he looked up tearfully, hopelessly. "Why?"

"Adrien, you don't know why I needed the mira-"

"Shut the hell up, father." Adrien's voice was icy. "You don't know what you've done to me. Plagg, claws out." He ignored the twin gasps of surprise as he transformed, and he lashed out and grabbed his father by the throat. Gabriel struggled and thrashed, but Chat Noir's enhanced strength kept him in place.

"No!" Nathalie rushed forwards.

"Don't you dare," snarled Chat Noir. Nathalie stopped abruptly. He addressed his father again, whose struggles were getting gradually weaker. "You're not my father. You're a monster."

**********************************

Nathalie was at a loss for words. She had just stood there helplessly, trying to melt into the shadows as the scene played out in front of her.

"Don't play dumb! I know that you're Hawkmoth!" Adrien shouted, stepping towards Gabriel. _How does he know? Adrien of all people? But Gabriel and I always made sure we didn't reveal anything! Unless he figured out recently. We haven't exactly been... careful. Since Gabriel started getting desperate. And we- I, found out that he was... Chat Noir._

"And I know that _she_ helped you." Adrien flung a hand in Nathalie's direction. _What the hell? How does he know?_ Nathalie was in denial, she leaned against the wall she was previously standing just in front of, as if she was trying to become part of it, trying to become invisible. _Oh no. I told Ladybug I knew who he was. She probably told him that. And he knows I saw him transform. He worked it out._ She couldn't help feeling the glimmer of pride at Adrien, who she had practically brought up, being so perceptive. _I made a mistake that night. I shouldn't have told Ladybug I knew Chat Noir's identity._ Adrien was talking, but she blocked it out, listening to her thudding heart, finding peace in its steady rhythm, only jolted back into the present scene when she heard three words she had hoped never to hear again.

"Plagg, claws out." Adrien transformed into Chat Noir and immediately thrust a gloved hand forwards and grabbed Gabriel by the throat, lifting him into the air, his face a vicious mask of pure rage.

"No!" Nathalie rushed forwards. _What the frick is he doing? That's his father!_

"Don't you dare," snarled Chat Noir. Nathalie stopped abruptly, shocked, as if he had created a barrier between them with just his scathing words. He addressed his father again, whose struggles were getting gradually weaker, his eyes pleading, hands clutching at Chat Noir's around his neck, trying in vain to remove them. "Why?"

Nathalie didn't know what to do. She unfroze and ran towards Gabriel, who was spluttering for breath, throat still held by Adrien, no, Chat Noir, who was showing no signs of remorse. "No!" she yelled, she had to help Gabriel. "Don't do this to your father!"

"He's. Not. My. Father!" Chat Noir insisted again. But Nathalie could swear she saw his grip loosen a little. Getting desperate, she lunged for Chat Noir, but he extended his baton, which toppled a ceiling high bookcase in the process, causing books to spill everywhere. The baton caught her in the chest and pushed her backwards sharply, she gasped in pain as her back hit the wall hard, and her head slammed into it, temporarily rendering stars in front of her eyes. She could only watch in a daze, coughing as she was kept there by the baton. Vision becoming double, she turned her head with difficulty to look at her boss in despair.

"Dark... wings... rise," Gabriel choked as his face was turning purple, and transformed, the bright flash of energy forcing Chat Noir to release him, and Hawkmoth collapsed to the ground, gasping. Chat Noir made to move forward, but thinking quickly, Nathalie stretched her arm out as far as she could while still being trapped to the wall, grabbed a book and chucked it as hard as she could at Chat Noir, it hit his chest and he staggered. _I'm such an idiot! I should have transformed before!_ "Duusu, spread my feathers!" Chat Noir's expression changed from surprise to rage as she transformed, and in the space of a second, he retracted his baton and threw it at her, it knocked her to the floor where she lay, stunned, red rimmed eyes gazing up at the ceiling.

**********************************

Nooroo was conscious. For the first time, when his master was transformed, the kwami could witness what he was doing. Maybe it was triggered by something, possibly the revelation of his son being Chat Noir, possibly him finally beginning to expand his mind- though Nooroo was very knowledgeable, he didn't know everything. Well, at this moment in time, it didn't look like Gabriel was thinking things through very well. He watched in horror as Hawkmoth lashed out with his right leg, tripping Chat Noir and taking the opportunity to jump to his feet. They began to fight intensely, Hawkmoth punched and kicked, until Chat Noir was struggling to keep up, he was forced to his knees.

Nooroo feared for what would happen next. He had to stop it, so he tried to communicate with Hawkmoth. He couldn't allow this to happen, couldn't let Gabriel almost kill Adrien.

 _Master?_ Nooroo tried. Hawkmoth faltered, and Nooroo knew he had been heard. _Please, stop! This is your son!_ For a second, Nooroo thought that it had worked- the pull was ebbing, he didn't feel as restrained, pushed back, but he had no idea what Hawkmoth was thinking- his mind was a blank slate, devoid of emotion, except for one, and it was growing and growing. Then Hawkmoth's rage pulsed, subsided for a second, and exploded out, forcing Nooroo to the back of his mind, and he pressed forward. Determined, Nooroo attempted to pool all of his energy and concentration, and he desperately sent it out in a powerful uncontrolled beam, this time refusing to take no for an answer, forcing Hawkmoth to drop his transformation.

**********************************

Gabriel was startled. He had felt Nooroo's presence, talking to him. His kwami had forced him to detransform, and Nathalie too, by the looks of things. Chat Noir was still transformed, but stumbling though. _He's stronger. His miraculous is stronger. Or maybe I'm just... weaker._ Gabriel had no idea Nooroo could do that, and in this moment, he realised there was a lot that he didn't know about his kwami. He stood still, breathing heavily, unintentionally allowing Chat Noir to recover and pin down his distracted father. "Cataclysm!" Chat Noir spat, and his hand glowed with black energy.

"Stop!" rasped Gabriel. "You need to know why I want the miraculous!"

"No I don't! Give me one reason why I shouldn't destroy you right now!"

"You're the hero aren't you? You're supposed to be forgiving." Gabriel wheezed, then he broke into a coughing fit.

Chat Noir was still for an agonizing few seconds. Nathalie, who had been lying on the floor, curled in a ball, after she had been forced to detransform, slowly pushed herself up to a sitting position, not daring to breathe. Gabriel closed his eyes and screwed up his face in anticipation. Then Chat Noir screamed in frustration and slammed his hand onto a book right next to Gabriel's head, turning it to dust, then turned and hurtled through the window, faster than Nathalie could blink. Suddenly everything was silent, except for the crinkle of paper from a ripped up book as it fluttered in the wind coming in from the open window. All she could do was stumble towards Gabriel, who was still gasping for breath, drop to the floor and put her arms around him, her mind numb and blank, while behind them a purple kwami lay still on the floor, eyes shut tight, wings twitching, all of his energy spent.

**************************************

Duusu flew out from Nathalie's pocket. "Oh no!" She cried as she saw her best friend Nooroo clinging on to consciousness, and Nathalie and Gabriel passed out on the floor. It was up to her now. She was the kwami of emotion, and she had to make them _feel_. Duty and responsibility swelled in her chest and she allowed their pain to wash over her, but she stayed strong. She flew to the designer and his assistant, the villain and his loyal (and definitely loving, there was no doubt about it) ally, settled on the join between their hands, and breathed deeply.

_A teenage Gabriel Agreste stared out at the rain, standing just centimetres away from the curtain of droplets running off the shelter in front of the entrance to the school. He opened his umbrella and made to leave, but he hesitated as he heard footsteps behind him. Nathalie stopped to his right. He shifted his feet uncomfortably, she noticed and smirked. "Still don't know how to talk to girls, huh?"_

_"Come on Nathalie, I've known you for years."_

_"Uh- huh."_

_They continued to watch the rain, but in comfortable silence. After a few seconds, Gabriel stepped forwards._

_"Ok, um, I need to go."_

_"So do I."_

_Gabriel stepped out, then faltered, turned back and offered the umbrella to her. "Wait, Nathalie... I-"_

_She pushed the umbrella away and pressed a finger to his lips. "Save it Gabriel. I'll always be here for you, but you don't like me like that. Anyway, Emilie's coming." She walked out into the rain, her hair glittering as it caught the raindrops, shimmering in rainbow colours. "See you around, Agreste."_

_Gabriel stood, stunned, and behind him he heard soft footfalls. He glanced behind him, and saw that Nathalie had been right, Emilie was coming, gazing at her feet as usual. When she had almost passed Gabriel, he summoned all of his courage, and held out the umbrella to her with a trembling arm. "Walk with me?" Emilie shyly ducked under the umbrella, and smiled at him, and they walked out together in silence. Rain pattered onto the top of the fabric, creating a beautiful melody which echoed the joyful song of their hearts._

_Unknown to them, Nathalie watched from behind a corner, salty tears mingling with the raindrops tracking down her face._


	8. Help me to forge the path

Adrien couldn’t deal with it anymore. “Aaaaargh!” He yelled over the rooftops, not caring if anyone heard. His world was falling apart. “Adrien, calm down!” Plagg pleaded.

“No!” Adrien spat, nostrils flaring, eyes wild. “How can I be calm when my father is Hawkmoth? Fricking Hawkmoth Plagg! I have been fighting against my father this whole time! I always knew he was kind of cruel, not letting me do anything, but I still thought he had a good heart, he cares for me, he’s just overprotective because he doesn’t want to lose. I mean, his fashion business benefits loads of people. I just thought he’s still affected by what happened to mother. Never in a million years would I have thought that he’s evil! But he is!”

“But Adrien, you don’t know what his intentions are,” Plagg attempted to reason.

“How could you say that Plagg! He’s a complete supervillain and don’t tell me otherwise! Look at what he’s done to Paris!” Adrien ran his hands through his hair frantically, breathing erratic.

Then, he stopped, suddenly, because he had just realised something. He turned sharply to face Plagg, speaking in an accusing tone. “You knew, didn’t you?”

“What?” Plagg tried to keep his face neutral and the shakiness out of his voice.

“You knew about my father and Nathalie. You knew! Didn’t you?” Adrien’s stare was emerald fire, burning deep into Plagg.

“How-”

“Ladybug told me Mayura took my Miraculous, she saw you when Mayura put it on. Is it true?”

“Y- yes Adrien. For a second, she put the ring on, I felt it was Mayura wearing it, not you, and I saw Ladybug looking at me, it was night, and they were on a rooftop somewhere. But she took the ring off almost immediately- wearing more than one miraculous at one time, especially when one of them is the ladybug or black cat, can cause extreme pain to anyone, except for maybe you or Ladybug. Nathalie must have taken your ring while you were sleeping.” Adrien, nodded, looking shellshocked.

“So now I can’t even trust my kwami!” He spat.

Plagg knew he was just saying this in the heat of the moment, and Adrien didn’t really mean it. But it still hurt.

“A-Adrien,” he stammered. “I was going to tell you, but-”

“It doesn’t matter Plagg.” Adrien cut him off. “Nothing matters anymore.”

****************************

Gabriel gasped. He was on his office floor, and after looking around, he realised so was Nathalie, and Nooroo. Duusu hovered nervously nearby. “Duusu, what was tha-”

“We’ll talk about it later, ok?”

_Will we? I mean, from the look in her eyes, I’m pretty sure she was the one who made me have that flashback. Why though? And what about Nathalie?_

As if she had read his mind, she said “Oh, she had it too.”

Gabriel looked at Nathalie. “Is she ok?”

“No, she’s hurt, I should be able to heal her though.”

Gabriel looked around, and saw a sofa nearby. Gently he picked her up and placed her on it. Then, he gasped, and almost tripped, as a wave of pain hit him. But not his pain, someone else’s pain. He was feeling it through his miraculous. That was probably why Duusu had been so agitated; she could pick it up too.

“Oh my frick, what is that?” Gabriel muttered. His head was overwhelmed with foreign emotions. Despair to be specific, agony to be vague. The person was definitely very close, and the proximity, multiplied by the strength of the emotion, distracted and invaded Gabriel’s mind.

And he couldn’t deal with it. Normally, at the first hint of something like this, he would have akumatised them already, immediately, but he refrained, perhaps because just a few hours ago he had felt the same anguish emanating from himself, and he was sympathising. Or perhaps he was changing. But was that change good though?

Then he heard a tiny voice. “Master?” Nooroo had woken up, his wings twitched and the kwami blinked open large lilac eyes.

“Don’t call me master,” he whispered.

Then he picked up Nooroo and put him in his palms and looked at him. His kwami must be exhausted; he was shivering, fragile wings wrapped around his tiny body. Gabriel took a raisin from his pocket and gently passed it to Nooroo, who took it gratefully. He bit his lip for a second, then opened his mouth. “Nooroo, I’m sorry. That you had to do that.”

“Gabriel… it might be hard to believe, but I understand.”

Gabriel was surprised his kwami seemed so accepting. “But I almost killed my son Nooroo! If you hadn’t done that…”

“You don’t have to think about it. Because I did do that. We all make mistakes.”

“But some more than others,” he sighed.

“No, you are a good person! Your actions over the past year say otherwise, but you can be good.”

Gabriel raised his eyebrows, then swallowed. It was several long seconds before he spoke. “You’ve always been here for me, yet you were too scared to speak up. I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have been like that. It shouldn’t have come to that. I’ve been so… blind. And you… you were hurt.”

“Gabriel, it’s fine. And I’m fine now.”

******************************

Gabriel looked up, straight into Emilie’s face. He was stood in front of her in his butterfly garden; the pure white creatures fluttered all around him. In the glass cabinet, his beautiful wife looked so peaceful. A pang of regret hit him, and he stumbled, a splayed hand landing on the cold glass. He straightened himself quickly, and he gazed at Emilie, looking so fragile, just as he felt right now. Then, he felt guilty for feeling sorry for himself. He didn’t deserve that. He sank down to sit on the floor, knees clutched to his chest, back against Emilie’s coffin, head tilted back.

Emilie. He remembered one of the first times he had ever talked to her. She had been in a bad position, and he had offered… his friendship. Gabriel closed his eyes and was engulfed in the memory. But this time, it didn’t snatch him.

He went willingly.

_Teenage Gabriel watched from around a corner the scene unfolding. Nathan and his cronies were walking home, or to wherever they went after school. Emilie was a little in front. They weren’t walking anymore though, Emilie had turned around and Nathan was talking to her. Gabriel inhaled sharply, even though Nathan didn’t know he was there- he had many times been the school bully’s punchbag._

_“Hey Emilie, wanna come round mine later?” Nathan tried to slide his arm around her shoulder._

_“Get the hell away from me, Nathan.” Emilie shrugged his arm off and quickened her pace._

_“Where are you going? Off with that loser Agreste?” The boys snickered._

_“Go jump in the bin.” Emilie tried for a brave retort, before turning away. “Oooh!” Everyone snickered. Nathan lurched forwards and grabbed Emilie’s hand, forcing her to lose her balance, trying to kiss it. “Ahh!” she cried as she started to fall. Nathan steadied her with his bulky free arm, saying with concern so false Gabriel grimaced, “Wouldn’t want to hurt you, love.” Emilie realised he was still holding her hand, and yanked it away in disgust, with a cry of “Don’t call me that!” and broke into a run. Nathan and his friends just laughed and made no attempt to pursue her. Wheezing, Emilie rounded a corner, and collapsed. She gasped in pain as her ankle twisted painfully underneath her._

_Gabriel built up his courage, and as soon as the bullies had disappeared from sight, he walked slowly to the corner that he had seen Emilie disappear behind. He inhaled sharply when he saw her slumped against the wall. She didn’t even look up, but seemed to notice his presence. “Go away,” she sniffed, and he flinched when he saw that her cheeks were streaked with glistening tears. Her eyes were screaming fury, but he didn’t back down. Maybe before, he would have. But now, he wanted to change. He didn’t want to be timid. A bystander. He wanted to help someone who was clearly in need._

_“No,” he said. “You’re not ok. But don’t worry.” He dropped to sit next to her, but still kept a respectful distance. “I- I’m here for you. I won’t try to possess you like Nathan.” She raised her head, meeting his sincere gaze with a sorrowful stare._

_“I- I’m just so tired of him, Gabriel.” He was surprised that she knew his name. “He- he’s always there when I’m trying to walk home, always trying to make me agree to be his girlfriend. Sometimes I feel that I should just… give in.” She sobbed quietly._

_“No! Don’t let him get to you. You have so much potential, Emilie. You’re smart, caring, beautiful-” his face coloured, and he quickly continued. “You could do so much. And Nathan doesn’t deserve you,” he finished._

_She scooted closer to him, so that their shoulders were touching. He tentatively put an arm around her, and she didn’t try to remove it. On the contrary, she rested her head against his chest. “Thank you, Gabriel. I’m sorry for pushing you out earlier.”_

_“I’ll always be here for you, if you want me to.”_

_She nodded, sniffing, and exhaling. Gabriel felt her relax against him, and he placed a comforting hand on her back._

_After a few minutes, she shifted. “I’m sorry, you can go.”_

_“I won’t leave you here.”_

_She attempted to stand, but fell again as a spike of pain shot up her leg. Gabriel noticed her twisted ankle and his eyes widened in concern._

_“Come on, I’ll help you get home.” He offered immediately. She accepted his hand up with shining eyes despite the throbbing ache in her ankle and they slowly walked away, arms around each other. Gabriel inhaled, a breath of cool, fresh air, and the trees rustled, a song of hope._

Gabriel Agreste squeezed a tear from his eyes. Many tears, actually. They were streaming down his face now.

Wow. If anyone were to see him now. Fashion designer Gabriel Agreste. Scathing critic. Never ventures outside his house. Famous. Rich. Extraordinarily talented.

Weak. Hiding behind a mask. Exploiting emotions to get what he wants, and failing, leaving traumatised victims. Terrorising a city. Menace. Fought by tiring teenage heroes. Weeping for his lost wife, who had no hope of returning. Holding on to false hope- NO! “No, no, no.” Gabriel begged, dropping his head to his knees.

If anyone were to see him now.

They’d see a broken, snivelling man, unable to get over a loss, unable to move on. He had split his life in two: masked villain controlling emotions, and a man who had made himself a mask to hide all emotion. Perhaps he needed the emotions of others to survive on, himself not seeming to have any of his own. With a mirthless laugh, he realised that that Hawkmoth wasn’t any different to Gabriel Agreste. And now it was shattering him.

“Forgive me, Emilie,” he turned and whispered into the freezing glass, burning into his cheeks. He looked beyond, to her pearly skin, it looked so cold, lifeless- NO! Gabriel groaned into his sleeve, muttering nondescript syllables.

If he were to be caught right now.

Would he care? Probably not. He had nothing left. Was he emotionless? He had sculpted himself into this statue, functioning, but not feeling. No- he was doing all he did for love, right?

The supposed most powerful emotion of all.

But- Gabriel shuddered- Emilie was… gone. He felt defeated. No, he wouldn’t accept defeat. Yes, he couldn’t get Emilie back. But he had to focus on the present. Emilie lived on. In his son, Adrien. He could still make things right.

“Ahhh!” He involuntarily groaned as his head erupted yet again and he was reminded of the person who he had constantly been feeling the pain of for the last… 10 minutes?

He felt Nooroo leave his pocket, and he shivered involuntarily. Had he imagined it, or had the temperature dropped ever so slightly? Maybe he didn’t even realise, but the presence of his kwami was warming. An ever- present warmth.

“Master?” inquired Nooroo tentatively, inducing a look from Gabriel. The kwami flinched, and Gabriel realised in shame that it was because whenever Nooroo said something, he would always snap back at him. Nooroo seemed surprised at the fact he hadn’t done that, and a glimmer of hope shone on his tiny face as he slowly continued. “Please don’t exploit this person’s weakness.”

The kwami shivered at the thought- he hated being used for evil. Many times, he had thought that he would break from being used wrong- what Gabriel had been doing for the past year was definitely not the miraculouses’ intended purpose. But even though all of Paris hated Hawkmoth, Nooroo knew that deep down, Hawkmoth was doing all he did for love, for Emilie, and for this reason, he didn’t hate him, couldn’t hate him. And he had never felt brave enough to talk to him about the way he was going about it. But now he did. Something was different. This time, Gabriel seemed to notice his kwami, recently, Nooroo had sensed a change in him. And of course he had been shaken- both physically and mentally- by the events of the last few days. Despite this- because of this, even, he felt somewhat confident for his master. “Master, the butterfly miraculous can- no, _should_ be used for good. You could make someone feel happier. You could help someone to overcome their despair. I know you’ve been feeling this person’s emotions, and you can help them! You can help them, Gabriel.”

Gabriel was silent for a moment. Then he took a deep breath, meeting the eyes of the creature in front of him- inferior in size, but wise beyond his knowing.

“Nooroo, I realise I have no place to ask this of you, but-”

“No. You need to do this,” the kwami interrupted gently.

“Tell me what to do, Nooroo.” Gabriel sounded a little scared. He turned and walked down the walkway bisecting the repository towards the elevator.

“You will know.” Nooroo assured him. “Just act with your heart, rather than your need for the other Miraculous. Feel the compassion, let it flow through you, understand the person, instead of using them.” Gabriel locked eyes with his kwami as he entered the elevator, pivoting to see the garden, and Emilie, disappear from his sight. _I don’t know how to tell you what I need to, how sorry I am…_ he thought. Nooroo seemed to understand, he nodded, eyes like shimmering pools, and Gabriel realised that Nooroo cared for him above all else, despite what he was putting him through, he was always there for him, and as he reflected he thought he heard the kwami’s voice in his mind saying, _I forgive you._

It was reassuring.

He nodded at Nooroo, not trusting his voice to work. The kwami smiled. “I believe in you master.”

Gabriel bit his lip, hesitating for a few seconds, but then he took a breath, and as the elevator opened into his lair, cold light streaming through the window, he whispered, “Nooroo, dark wings rise.”


	9. Too late, and now you're gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Character death. Yup.

The violet akuma floated straight upwards, which Hawkmoth thought strange. He waited for it to find the person. _I'm going to do something good. For once._ He felt his akuma connect in an unusually short amount of time. _What am I going to say?_ He began to start speaking, uncertainty very clear in his voice, but then stopped abruptly as he saw a dark shadow right in front of the circular window. It was a humanoid shape, which had fallen down from above, and had now disappeared below. Then, he felt the connection sever sharply, and he couldn't feel the emotions anymore. He felt it was like a hot spike had been removed from his head, leaving a blank void, an empty space. He saw the akuma flutter back in through the window, returning to his shoulder, but he didn't react to it. _What just happened?_

(a minute earlier)

Adrien climbed slowly onto the edge of the roof, trembling violently. It was the roof of his mansion, but in his state of mind, he had no idea, and wouldn't even care if he knew. Images invaded his mind, flickering like a broken TV screen. Hawkmoth grinning as he slammed Ladybug to the floor, greedily reaching for her earrings, a crazed look in his eyes, and his father, cold but extraordinarily talented fashion designer. Mayura, the proud peacock and Nathalie the dedicated assistant. _Lies._

Below, on the streets, citizens he had protected, saved countless times, went about their daily business, like everything was normal. _I envy you. You don't have to go through what has been done to me._ He spoke, voice wavering. "I'm sorry Plagg. I can't take this any longer."

"No Adrien!" Plagg's normally teasing, light-hearted voice was weighed down, etched with worry. "Don't do this!" He pleaded. And then the kwami saw the akuma coming, fluttering up from below. In an instant he could predict what was about to happen. And he hated it. He froze, with no idea what to do.

There was an akuma coming for his kitten.

His kitten who was about to do the unthinkable.

His kitten who he couldn’t save.

But this akuma felt different. It seemed less… evil. It was still violet and black, but it didn’t glitter and bubble with malice like every other one he had seen. It seemed almost… docile. Maybe Hawkmoth… maybe the revelation of Chat Noir’s identity had been shocking enough for him to realise what he had been doing was so utterly wrong. Nooroo’s power was supposed to be used for good, after all. Maybe that’s what he was attempting to do.

But the akuma would have no effect. It didn’t matter if it hit Adrien. Because it would be too late to do anything about it- he would be… gone. It was already too late.

"Tell Ladybug…" Adrien's voice broke and a tear snaked down his face as he whispered.

Far below, a million miles away, came the dull horn of a lorry.

"Tell her I'm sorry."

Plagg could only watch in horror as Adrien took a deep breath. Closed his eyes as the akuma met his ring, oblivious to it.

And plummeted.

******************

Adrien was dead. Even though he was the kwami of destruction, which was almost opposite from emotion, Plagg could feel that Adrien was gone- the connection between kwami and chosen had been brutally severed, and he was distraught. He had never felt this way about any of his previous owners before. Sugarcube and the other kwamis had always called him selfish and self- absorbed, and he had shamelessly agreed, because he always was, but now he wasn't so sure. Adrien had been more than a holder. He had been a friend. His best friend.

Plagg had to act quickly, before people realised what had happened and Adrien was swarmed by people. Everyone would grieve for Paris's greatest model, Plagg knew that his classmates would mourn for a selfless, funny, pure-hearted friend, but Plagg would cry for a companion who always put up with him, despite his annoying nature, as the only being he could be fully open with. Confide problems with about his superhero identity clashing with the overwhelming responsibilities of civilian life. His in particular- he had been pushed so hard by his father, and he hadn’t been able to talk about it with anyone but his kwami. Plagg had tried to cheer him up on many occasions, and it had worked, temporarily, but the sorrow was always still there.

No one had known the boy like Plagg had. No one had been closer.

Sniffing, Plagg solemnly floated to Adrien's hand and tugged his miraculous off his finger. He gazed at Adrien's face one more time. "Goodbye, Adrien," he whispered, before turning and flying away, without looking back. Rage clouded his vision, so that he could barely fly straight, barely see. He shook his head, and his vision cleared a little, set with hard determination. It was time to visit Gabriel Agreste.

*******************

"Hawkmoth."

"I take it I am in the presence of the black cat kwami. To what do I owe you the pleasure of your visit?" Gabriel sounded business like, which Plagg found weird considering what had happened very recently, even by Hawkmoth's standards, he would have been at least a little shaken up? He also found it extremely infuriating. "Don't give me that crap Hawkmoth! I swear, I take absolutely no pleasure in visiting a vile monster like you!" The kwami's green eyes were blazing green infernos, and as small as he was, he advanced intimidatingly, right in front of Gabriel’s face.

Gabriel immediately seemed to visibly weaken, letting out a sigh, his posture becoming not so straight, his face drooping and gaze falling to the floor, as if these harsh words were all it took to break down the front he had put up, revealing his true, tired, self.

"Then why _are_ you here? Where's Adrien, my son?" Worry crept into his voice.

"You don't deserve a son like him!" The kwami spat, and Gabriel flinched.

"Don't talk to me like that!"

The kwami sniffed and looked down. "Do you want to find him because you're actually worried about him, or because you want to take his miraculous?"

"I don't-"

"No! I'm not done yet!" Plagg zoomed forwards to hover right in front of Gabriel's face, he was startled and took a hurried step back. "Because Adrien's not coming back you hear? You pushed him too hard and you finally broke him. Are you pleased with yourself?"

"Stop playing games with me! What's happened to Adrien?"

"Shut the hell up _Hawkmoth_! He's gone, and now Ladybug's the only one who can stop you!" Plagg's voice cracked.

"Gone?"

Plagg fled. Gabriel stood there, eyes wide, while in his pocket Nooroo curled up in agony as Plagg's pain and fury coursed over him like ice. But this time Gabriel didn't ignore it.

***********

Plagg phased through the wall of Master Fu's dojo. The Guardian was sitting cross- legged on his mat in the middle of the bare room, but when the kwami entered, he opened his eyes, immediately getting to his feet. "Plagg?" The kwami didn't respond, instead he silently drifted closer, clutching Adrien's ring. "Where's Adrien? And why do you have his miraculous?" Plagg just shook his head in despair. "Adrien's… dead."

Master Fu froze.

Plagg dropped into his outstretched hands, where he lay, unmoving.

The Guardian sunk to his knees.


	10. Help me to search for hope

Gabriel sat on an armchair, head in hands.

Adrien was gone.

He had taken one look at Adrien’s broken body out of the window, and only just made it to a chair before he collapsed, head spinning, nauseated.

He had been here for about 10 minutes, but it had seemed like hours.

Gabriel jumped as sounds began to come out from the large screen, mounted on a stand in the middle of the room, that he used for designing, and the news started to play on it. He could only make out a few words as he was several metres from it and the volume wasn’t very high.

But these words were enough to tear apart a man who had just lost his son.

If he could be broken any further.

A female voice spoke. “Adrien Agreste… lying on street near his… dead… no apparent reason… crowds gather… everyone… grieving… Paris’s greatest model.”

“Aarghh!” Gabriel growled. He couldn’t take it any more, couldn’t deal with a stupid reporter talking about his son. On the fricking news. Talking about Adrien being… gone, as if it was just another story, a weather report, to fill the time.

They didn’t really care.

But- he shuddered- did _he_ care?

Yes!

He cursed himself for doubting that he wasn’t devastated by his son’s death.

But of course his ever present consciousness tormented him.

_You haven’t shown Adrien you cared about him since Emilie died._

_You hid behind the excuse that he reminded you of her, but this should have been your greatest strength, knowing that she lived on in him._

_Instead, you barely saw him. You weren’t his father, you were his controller, watching his life behind a screen, never involved in it. You treated him like a puppet, the face of your brand. It was all for business, and never for anything else._

_You never felt anything else._

_And now you’ll never see him again._

The reporter droned on in the background.

“Gabriel Agreste unavailable… comment.”

And he snapped.

He grabbed a vase on the table next to him, drew his arm back, and threw it as hard as he could at the screen with a scream. It connected, though his vision was becoming increasingly blurry.

In another time, he might question why his aim was true.

But not this time.

He didn’t care.

With a loud crash, the screen shattered.

Then he heard a rustle, Nathalie was beginning to stir. Oh no, he hoped he had not disturbed her. _Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you started chucking your furniture around._ He looked at her. She seemed to be asleep again.

Gabriel’s fingernails dug angry red grooves into his palms.

Glass rained to the ground.

Falling.

Just like-

His eyes widened.

He sucked in a rapid breath, taking in more air until his lungs were bursting, but he didn’t let it out.

And then he realised something.

Just this was enough to send him to the floor, forcing out a gasp. His strength had failed him and his momentary fury had drained, subsided, leaving… a wreck.

That was what he had been reduced to.

He sobbed, grasping his knees, eyes squeezing out an endless ocean of tears.

Because it was _Adrien_ who he had sent the akuma to. He had felt the emotion so strongly, even when detransformed, because _Adrien_ had been standing just a few meters above him, on the roof. He had seen a shadow fall down in front of the window shortly after the connection had been established. A human sized shadow. _Adrien’s_ shadow. A breath caught in his throat and he choked it out with a strangled gasp, because the connection with the akuma had been broken when Adrien had… when he-

Gabriel cried out in despair, his fingernails digging into the cushion of the armchair he was collapsed next to, cheeks pressed against it. The fabric was rough and he felt every stitch in it against his skin, scraping it like sandpaper. But it was softer, kinder than the stabbing, agonising pain that he felt all over.

He had been too late. He had wanted to finally do something good, help someone. But he had waited too long. If only he had listened to the pleads of his kwami- hell, even Nathalie had tried to talk to him. His fricking assistant. Well, she was also Mayura, but that was- Gabriel stopped himself- _not_ irrelevant. Not at all. It really wasn’t. She was so loyal to him, helping him at all costs to achieve his goal. But why was she so selfless, and why did she fight so hard for him, even when the damaged peacock miraculous hurt her? It couldn’t just have been for Emilie. But he was infinitely grateful to her.

Gabriel had been blind to how he was treating his son, who in both appearance and personality so much resembled Emilie, his beloved wife. Who- Gabriel clenched his jaw- he had let go of. Emilie was gone. And he had turned his focus to his son, but now his son was _gone._ He had nothing left. Adrien had put up with him for so long, but he had been pushed too far. By his father. And so it was wholly Gabriel’s fault that he had- he had-

Gabriel shook his head, as if this would clear the thoughts.

But of course it didn’t work. He would never escape this guilt.

Adrien had been the most important presence in his life.

Yet it had taken… this, for him to notice.

And Gabriel despised himself for it.

************************

Gabriel stared pleadingly at the Gorilla, who looked impassively back. With one hand pressed to his head, he waved the other one vaguely in the direction of outside. “Could- could you… ” _Go carry inside my son’s body because I can’t face other people at the moment._ Gorilla’s face softened, he seemed to get the meaning, and he grunted and nodded, while turning away. He disappeared out of the front door. Gabriel waited. After what seemed like forever, but what was probably less than 2 minutes, he heard Gorilla returning. He looked up, and immediately sobbed when he saw his son’s lifeless form, slumped like a ragdoll, lost in the bodyguard’s huge arms.

“Follow me,” he said, and started to walk. Now he needed to do what he should have done a year ago, and also something else. It would be difficult, yes, but it needed to be done.

He had to bury his wife. And his son. He would do it in the repository. His butterfly garden.

Too late, he realised that Emilie would be like, _right there_ when they entered the room. The Gorilla had never displayed much intelligence, but you could never be too careful. He couldn’t exactly trust him to keep quiet if he saw his presumably missing wife in an unknown state, lying inside a glass coffin, hidden in his mansion in a giant room he’d never seen before. Then, it wasn’t a question of trust. It was literally… morals. Sense of right and wrong. You see something suspicious, you speak up. _Well,_ your _morals are pretty messed up then, aren’t they?_

_I don’t really see suspicious things though… I’m usually the one doing them. Wow._

He wondered if any of his actions literally whenever had been suspicious, and his workers had just stayed silent when they saw him. Probably. Out of fear? No! Actually, that was most likely the truth. He wasn’t exactly a very open person, nor did he make an effort to be friendly. Or make people like him. His talent was literally the only reason people didn’t dislike him. But what did skill at drawing matter, when he had done… this?

_No. I’m putting it right, right now. I know I can never make up for what I’ve done, but I will not go back to how it was before._

This had gone far enough. The first akumatisation had already been enough. It had been a year since then. He had lost his wife. And because of his blindness to the needs of his son, he had lost Adrien too. He had no family left.

His heartbeat rose with his steps, which became erratic. How was he going to explain Emilie to Gorilla? He didn’t even want to think about it. Maybe he should just take Gorilla somewhere else. Ugh, this hole he had dug himself into.

Then he felt a shift as Nooroo left his pocket. As quick as lightning, there were twin purple and indigo flashes as Nooroo and Duusu zipped into the floor. He heard Nooroo’s voice in his head. _It's fine. He won't see Emilie_. Gabriel faltered at this, but then he walked properly again, as not to arouse suspicion. He didn’t understand how the kwamis would do that, but he trusted them. Behind him he could hear Gorilla’s methodical, booming steps. Gabriel’s gait was normally a confident stride, but now it was an unsure step, like each footfall was a hastily stammered question, waiting to be answered. He heard Nooroo’s voice in his head again, he was completely sure of it now- he wasn’t imagining it. He wondered why only now Nooroo was able to communicate telepathically with him. _You might want to use the staircase entrance. Gorilla’s not gonna fit in that little tube elevator thing of yours._

 _Well nah,_ Gabriel thought. He had already changed direction accordingly. As they got to a door, with shaking fingers Gabriel keyed in a code, then they were in the room. He heard an intake of breath, supressed, and turned back to see Gorilla’s wide eyes. “This is my garden,” he said. “I-I’m going to… bury Adrien.” The finality in his tone was prevalent, and he hated it. As they neared the front, Gabriel stifled a sob. The kwamis had covered Emilie’s coffin with a white sheet. “Put him there,” said Gabriel, indicating to a bench. Gorilla grunted and did so. “You- you can go now.” He complied, turning his back and plodding away. Gabriel took off the sheet with shaking hands once Gorilla had left, then he looked at Emilie. “Thank you,” he said to the kwamis. Well, to empty space, but he knew they were there, and they came out as he addressed them. “It’s ok,” Nooroo said. Gabriel suddenly felt weak. He staggered, but remained standing. “What do I do now? Emilie’s gone. I need to…” he trailed off, but the kwamis got the meaning. “Gabriel,” Nooroo spoke up. “Gabriel, we can bury her.”

He stared wide eyed at them, uncomprehending. Nooroo continued. “If Duusu and I gather our power together and pinpoint it, we can do it. It would take up a lot of our energy, but we can.”

Gabriel would have questioned this at any other time, but now he just nodded. Duusu looked at Nooroo, who smiled grimly. They perched on Emilie’s coffin and joined arms. After a second, they began to glow softly, and although it wasn’t unbearable to look at, Gabriel shut his tired eyes.

After just a few moments, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He opened his eyes. Emilie’s coffin was gone. In its place was a fresh mound of earth. A breath caught in his throat and he almost choked on it. The kwamis drifted towards Adrien, but Gabriel felt a word slip out of his mouth.

“Stop.”

They turned to him questioningly.

“Gabriel,” Nooroo murmured. “We can do it. Duusu and I can bury him.” But to tell the truth, it looked like Nooroo and Duusu could barely stay in the air; their eyelids were drooping and their faces were tight with pain.

“No.” Gabriel’s voice could barely be heard. “I’ll do it. I- I need to do it.”

Even if the kwamis had still had energy, Gabriel would have done it himself. He couldn’t let someone else take responsibility for what he had done. He owed it to Adrien, his son.

The kwamis acknowledged this with a nod, unsteadily flying back a little, and resting on another bench a metre away from him. He took up a shovel and began to dig, while the kwamis watched. With every stroke he dug the shovel hard into the ground, hoping it would relieve him of his stress. But it didn’t. The impending guilt was still there.

How could he kid himself and say it would disappear? It would be ever present, constantly eating him up from the inside. And one day he would cave in.

Duusu’s voice behind him broke the silence. “Gabriel… Nathalie’s waking up… I should go see her.”

Gabriel nodded. Why did the kwami even need to tell him that? It wasn’t like she needed his _permission_. Duusu flew off, and he thrust the shovel into the ground again through blurry eyes.

***************

Nathalie woke up. In a heartbeat her eyes were open and she was looking around. As feeling returned to her she realised she was lying on a sofa. A heartbeat later, and Duusu was there. She felt a rush of warmth to see the kwami, despite the slight ache in her head.

“Nathalie,” Duusu said.

“Wha-”

“Short story:” Duusu interrupted, taking a breath.

“No. That… vision… flashback… thing,” said Nathalie, sitting up.

She shrugged. “I felt you both just needed to see it.”

“Both?”

“Yep, your crush saw it too.”

“Duusu, he’s not my-” Duusu raised her eyebrows and she stopped. Ok, the kwami was right, and she didn’t even have the energy to put it into better words.

“Anyway, let me tell you what happened, but I need to be quick because… well, I’ll get to that. You had a concussion from when you hit the wall, Gabriel put you here, and we- Nooroo and I- buried Emilie, but Gabriel wanted to bury-” Duusu stopped abruptly. “Oh no.”

Nathalie blinked, not really with it yet, but she nodded slowly, feeling relieved that Gabriel had finally let go of Emilie, finally accepted that she was gone and couldn’t be brought back. Then she noticed Duusu obviously fretting, and the relief melted away. “Duusu…?”

“You don’t know yet,” her kwami whispered, turning away slightly. At this moment, when Duusu’s eyes dropped. Nathalie realised something was wrong. She asked slowly, her voice stronger now, “What happened?” Duusu sniffed. Then it hit her.

“Where’s Adrien?”

*

In the repository, Nooroo realised something with a small gasp. He spoke up, “Gabriel, Duusu’s gonna have to tell Nathalie that…”

“Yes,” came a quiet reply.

Nooroo shuddered.

*

“Adrien… he- he’s… dead.”

”Wh- no- nonono,” Nathalie murmured; she couldn’t even form words upon hearing this. She sat back on the sofa heavily, leaning against the soft fabric and hugging her knees. “Tell me how it happened,” she whispered.

“Are you sure?”

Nathalie nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

“Adrien was on the roof. He must have gone there after he- Chat- left, after he… anyway, Gabriel transformed, because he felt the strong emotion, very close. He sent an akuma with the intention of helping… them. But it was too late.” Duusu looked at Nathalie meaningfully. “Adrien had… fallen.”

 _No, he didn’t fall,_ Nathalie realised with a sob. _He didn’t fall. He… jumped._

“Gabriel didn’t realise the person the akuma was for was Adrien until Plagg, Adrien’s kwami, came to talk to him. I wasn’t there but I don’t think it went well.”

“Where were you?”

“I was with you, of course.”

“Why? I’m not important.”

“Yes you are! You’re more than just a holder. You’re a friend. The bond between a kwami and its holder is special, Nathalie! Especially with me being the kwami of emotion, I can sense your feelings, but you don’t need to be scared of that, because I only want to help you. And in time, you might be able to communicate with me mentally. And that should be soon. You’re strong, Nathalie.”

Nathalie felt a surge of compassion for the tiny creature. “But I…”

“Nathalie, I know you’re putting yourself down. You were misguided, yes. But your intentions are good; what you did in the past is behind you.”

“But now Adrien’s… gone, because of us.”

“Yes, things like this have consequences. Dire consequences. But there is healing.”

Nathalie was quiet for a second. Then she realised that Adrien’s father would not be dealing well with his loss. “Oh no, where’s Gabriel?”

“He’s in the butterfly garden, he was burying Adrien when I felt you were awake.” Nathalie got up quickly. She knew that after… what had just happened, Gabriel would not be ok.

*************

Gabriel gently laid Adrien into the hole. It hurt to put the soil over his son’s face. He sat in front of the new- no, not grave. Yes, grave- he was dead. _But it’s your fault_ , his mind reprimanded him.

Gabriel noticed Nooroo’s gaze shifting, registering on something behind him. He looked back. Nathalie was there. Her hair had come loose and she hadn’t tied it back. “Is it true?”

“Yes.”

“I’m so sorry.”

Nathalie felt like an outsider for saying that- someone who had only known Adrien on the outside, for his modelling shoots, for his presence in the fashion world. He had been more than just a responsibility to Nathalie. Something to check off a list of tasks to complete in a day. An annoyance. Make sure Adrien’s at school, then move on to more pressing matters like the decline in interest in the recent fashion line. He had been more than that. She had loved him. Like a son.

“So you buried him.”

“Yes.”

“Wh-”

“But it’s my fault,” Gabriel clipped, almost angrily, surprising her. “He shouldn’t have died.”

_Oh no, he isn’t accepting it. That’s what led him to want Ladybug and Chat Noir’s miraculouses after Emilie-_

As if he could sense what she was thinking, he said with a smile absent of humour, “No, I’m done with trying to get the miraculous of the Ladybug and the Black Cat. I’m done with that. But-“ he clenched his hands into fists- “I still hate myself for doing this to Adrien.”

“Gabriel-”

“Don’t try to convince me it wasn’t my fault.”

“It… was.” Nathalie sighed. “It was your fault. But it’s in the past now.”

“But Adrien is gone. _He’s_ in the past now. And I don’t want it to be like that. I want him to be my present. Every day. Father and son. But I only realised that once…” He broke off, bringing a shaking hand to his face.

Nathalie let the man grieve, lost in his anger at himself.


	11. Aftermath

Nooroo could feel his master’s constant agony, but he couldn’t do anything about it. Gabriel was losing the will to live, like his son had done earlier. The emotions were so strong, and so negative, that Nooroo felt each one like a physical stab wound. It didn’t go away, pulsing from only just bearable aches to pain so piercing Nooroo curled into a ball, eyes shut tight until it subsided, feeling like a knife was being twisted around inside his tiny body.

He should have just left.

But he couldn’t. He knew that he could help the grieving man.

His mind blanked as another wave of pain took over him. When it had subsided, he shuddered. After 3500 cycles, he thought he would be used to feeling this kind of thing, but that wasn’t the case. He missed Tikki, who could always make sense of a situation. He missed her calming, sweet voice. He missed Plagg, who could always make him laugh with his bad jokes. He missed all of the kwamis, his best friends.

Actually, after thinking for a second, he realised that he could do something. He floated to Adrien’s father, who was sleeping fitfully, and rested on his forehead. He concentrated for a second, imagining a portion of his power leaving him, transferring to Gabriel. “Be at peace,” he whispered. After a second, he added, “Please, Gabriel.” Nooroo flew back a few centimetres to look at his master, regarding him with a sorrowful expression; his face looked calmer, more relaxed, and he seemed to breathe more easily. Nooroo gently lifted Gabriel’s glasses off his face, and placed them on a table.

For better or worse, Gabriel’s fractured mind couldn’t keep Nooroo from being more than a few metres away from him, like he usually did. It was now or never. Nooroo glanced at him once more, before tearing his gaze away with difficulty, and phasing through the wall.

He had to find the guardian of the miracle box.

**********************

Nooroo phased through the wall of the Guardian’s dwelling; he had found it by simply extending his consciousness- he was the kwami of transmission after all- although he never told Gabriel that- knowing the Guardian’s location would have had disastrous consequences.

Previously.

Not any more.

Gabriel could barely think anymore.

He had felt the Guardian’s presence, following it like a trail leading him… here. He looked around the plain house- there was barely any furniture, and there was a mat on the floor, as well as a few shelves next to the walls. On one of them was a gramophone, and Nooroo was drawn to it, recognising a connection he hadn’t felt for many years, at the same time realising that it contained the miracle box. The very same box that he and his miraculous, along with Duusu and hers, had fallen from when the young teenage Guardian had escaped from the burning temple. He was regretful for that, but had never felt any anger towards the scared young boy fleeing from the burning temple, burdened with a new responsibility that he would carry for the rest of his life. Nooroo felt that the other kwamis were inside here, except Tikki and Plagg of course, who aided Ladybug and Chat Noir respectively. Wayzz also wasn’t there, maybe the Guardian wore his miraculous- Wayzz was a very friendly, wise kwami. A good choice of companion. Nooroo longed with all his heart to see his friends, but he had to see the Guardian first.

Nooroo heard footsteps, and an elderly Chinese man shuffled into the room. When he saw Nooroo, his eyes widened and he opened his mouth, but said nothing. Nooroo got straight to the point. “You are the Guardian of the Miracle box, correct?”

“Yes, I am Master Fu.” Nooroo saw recognition suddenly bloom on his face, and the man gasped. “Are you… Hawkmoth’s kwami?”

“Indeed, I am Nooroo.”

“How-” Master Fu was interrupted by a solemn “Nooroo?” Plagg flew into the room, ears drooping. Nooroo was shocked; he had never seen this side of Plagg before. “It’s good to see you again.” Plagg spoke sincerely. “Pity we had to meet again under these circumstances.”

“Yes,” Nooroo murmured. “I’m so sorry you lost your holder.” Plagg looked down in dismay, and said no more.

Master Fu had been silent during this exchange, looking astonished, but now he recovered. “Nooroo, you must be exhausted, would you like something to eat?”

“If it’s not too much trouble?”

“Of course not.” From his pocket master Fu took a cookie and gave it to Nooroo, the kwami nibbled on it and felt a bit better.

“I presume Plagg has told you about… Hawkmoth.”

“Yes, Gabriel Agreste must be feeling the loss of his son pretty hard, as well as the revelation of Adrien being Chat Noir.”

“Everyone is,” said Nooroo sombrely. “Negative emotions are running high, Adrien was Paris’s most loved model. I think the way I react to it and feel it is worse because of the… way I’ve been used for so long. I think I was… starting to… break.” Nooroo’s eyes were full of tears, he couldn’t remember the last time had had spoken so openly. Plagg just hovered next to him, eyes blank.

“How did you get away from Hawkmoth?” asked Master Fu gently.

“His emotional state is crumbling, Guardian. I tried to use my power to partially heal his mind, I think it has started to work… a little. He’s constantly full of grief, it’s eating him up from the inside.”

“And what of Mayura?”

“Nathalie Sancoeur is… better. But I can feel her worry for Gabriel all the time. She… she loves him. Deeply.”

Master Fu nodded. “I had long suspected that this would happen.”

Nooroo continued. “Gabriel normally keeps me from leaving the space of about 3 metres around him, but he couldn’t continue to do it, so I can leave, but I didn’t want to! I know he’s using my miraculous to harm people, but I don’t hate him for it! I understand him, Guardian- he acts purely out of love, he couldn’t get over the loss of his wife!” Nooroo grew more earnest as he spoke, not used to talking to someone like this, maybe except Duusu, on the rare occasion that they saw each other. But the Guardian’s presence was calming. “I can help him! His journey has already started, Adrien’s death has made him see the error of his ways. He has let go of Emilie Agreste. It was extremely hard on him, but I know he’ll recover!”

_I hope he’ll recover._

But it was hard not to lose himself in the endless pools of misery and anguish that were Plagg’s eyes.

*******************

“I’m going back to Gabriel.”

“What?” Plagg yelped. “But you can’t! You just e-”

“Escaped?” Nooroo’s voice was dangerously low. “I didn’t _escape_. I _left_ on my own because he wasn’t strong enough to keep me there. And that’s why I have to go back.”

“But-”

“He just buried his _son_ , Plagg!”

“I’m aware! Don’t think that I’m just gonna move on after my kitten…” He choked.

“I know you won’t! And neither has Gabriel!”

“You can’t-”

“No, Plagg! I’m going! He won’t enslave me like he used to, he won’t use me again.”

“How do you kn-”

“I know, ok?” He snapped, eyes blazing with purple fire.

Plagg hung back, unwilling to say any more. He wasn’t used to this side of Nooroo. In fact, he wasn’t used to _Nooroo._

Nooroo stared at Plagg, whispering softly, eyes dark with flaming accusation. “You think I’m weak.”

“What! No-”

“Because Gabriel used me. How do you think it felt, Plagg? I was forced to create monsters!”

“Nooroo, I know! I’m sorry. And I don’t think you’re weak. I- I don’t know what to think. I’m just… tired. I know that’s not an excuse, but please forgive me for questioning you. I know how capable you are. I don’t know what it was like for you to be used by Hawkmoth. But I’m here for you.” He gestured to Master Fu and the Miracle box. “We all are.”

“No, I’m sorry. For snapping at you. It’s just… I haven’t had anyone to talk to in so long, I guess I just forgot what it feels like to have someone around who actually cares for me. Although, I know Gabriel was getting better. He wasn’t treating me so badly. At one point recently, I think we were almost… friends. He talked to me like I wasn’t just property. An object to use over and over again until it expired. He even asked me for advice, and listened when I gave it. I offered it willingly; he didn’t force me to tell him. And then he tried to help Adrien. But no one could have helped him.” He shot a glance at Plagg, who was just looking solemnly at him.

“However, I can help Gabriel.”

Master Fu spoke. “Are you sure?”

“Yes!” Nooroo’s voice was tinged with annoyance, but it was fast fading. “I need to go back to him Guardian!” He insisted.

“You wouldn’t stay even if I told you to, would you?”

“No.” Nooroo crossed his arms.

Master Fu sighed. “Alright, I trust you Nooroo.”

Nooroo’s eyes softened, and he nodded once. Wordlessly, he turned and purposely phased through the wall.

********************************

Miss Bustier cautiously addressed the class, trying to make her voice as soft as possible. “Thank you for coming in today, considering….” Her voice tailed off and her eyes flicked involuntarily towards Adrien’s empty seat. Everyone got her meaning, but displayed no recognition on their faces- they just looked dejected. “But I can see that trying to teach you isn’t a good idea.”

For the duration of the lesson, Miss Bustier let them rest their heads on the desks while she played soft music in the background, not being able to concentrate herself on her marking.

“Thank you miss,” whispered Alya as they left the class. “I think… we really needed that.” She glanced pointedly at Marinette’s retreating back, trying to convey her gratitude without words. Miss Bustier nodded, looking a bit distracted. Alya hurried after Marinette who hadn’t even noticed that Alya was no longer with her; as her best friend with a little more… mental stability, at the moment, she needed to be there for Marinette. Of course Alya was devastated about Adrien, but she knew that breaking down at school wouldn’t help anything. However, Marinette wasn’t able to think like that at the moment. And that was dangerous.

***********************************

“Today we will be doing a chemistry practical.”

The class stared blankly at Miss Mendeleev.

“Get into partners and read the method on the board. I won’t be explaining it because this is a required practical and you should know the basic steps anyway, unless,” her voice dropped and her eyes flashed, “You weren’t _listening_ when I _taught_ them to you.” She glared around the class, as if she were daring any of them to say they didn’t know what to do. They stared back, not a single one of them wanting to do the practical, none of them willing to speak up even if they didn’t know what to do. “When you’ve set up your apparatus I’ll come and light your Bunsen burners. Now hurry up!”

Everyone was subdued throughout the practical, apart from one moment when they heard a scream of “AHHH!!! THE FRICKING RUBBER’S ON FIRE!!!” Miss Mendeleev calmly walked over to Ivan and blew it out.

“Ivan! Don’t panic like that, it’s dangerous!” She scolded, eyes set in a scowl. He just glared at her, then grunted and tuned away.

“Don’t turn away from me when I’m talking to you!” His shoulders slumped and he slowly spun to face her.

”In fact, get out! And don’t roll your eyes!” She yelled at his retreating back.


	12. Sinking

Nathalie was worried. Before, it had been for Adrien. Day by day he had looked progressively sadder, leading up to his… death. But now she was worried for Gabriel. He was not taking Adrien’s death well. Frick, how could he? Anyone losing a son would be devastated. But Gabriel had felt responsible for his son’s death. Nathalie laughed mirthlessly under her breath- he was responsible. Shouldn’t that have made anyone hate the man?

Nathalie didn’t.

But why?

She felt like she should.

Adrien had literally died because of him. Gabriel was too controlling, way too controlling. He didn’t let Adrien have his own life; he barely let him go to school. He took for granted that Adrien would be there for every photoshoot forced on him, no matter if he had planned anything else. He would always be there- Gabriel made sure of that. And Adrien had been so selfless, putting up with his father, suffering alone through his mother’s death.

Of course Gabriel never noticed the pain behind Adrien’s eyes though; he wasn’t with him enough, and when he was, Adrien always hid behind the mask he wore for the public, as if that’s all Gabriel was- just another person in the crowd who only saw one side of him. Well, not one side. Half of one- his civilian one. The other side was Chat Noir. Nathalie suspected that being the hero was what had kept him sane for so long. Being able to escape, if only temporarily. She had felt firsthand the joy that transforming and leaping over rooftops brought. But it was only a matter of time before he found out the identity of his greatest enemy. And it had broken him. Beyond repair.

Nathalie felt she had been the only one to notice Adrien’s downfall. She had seen it in his face when he thought no one was looking. But she hadn’t done anything. And she hated herself for it. She was merely the assistant, but she had watched Adrien grow up, started to care for him like… a son, she guessed. She remembered one of the many times she had walked into Adrien’s room to see him crying. It had happened most in the weeks after Emilie’s disappearance.

_Adrien was slumped on a chair; his laptop was on, but he was staring at nothing. Nathalie walked in to give him his schedule, and stopped in her tracks when she saw him. Overwhelmed by compassion, she silently closed the gap between them and put her arms around his shoulders. He stiffened for a second, but then his shoulders went slack as he curled up even smaller and continued to sob. Nathalie’s eyes were wet with tears, but she couldn’t let Adrien see. She couldn’t show weakness._

_She had left without giving Adrien his timetable. And had gotten into trouble with Gabriel. But it was worth it._

Nathalie was a perceptive woman. She had noticed the atmosphere in the house getting gradually more sombre and melancholy. But she hadn’t done anything. Because she was the assistant. She wasn’t supposed to intervene, right? _Does helping your boss terrorise a city count as intervening?_ She cringed as she realised how bad it sounded. But that’s just how bad it was.

 _Well, that isn’t in your typical job description._ _Wow, I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I had applied to be the fashion designer’s assistant._

Out of nowhere, as if Gabriel had read her thoughts, he said, “Do you think I’ll get caught? I mean, Adrien… knew who I was, and he could have told someone…”

“You know, I don’t think he did,” Nathalie murmured. Then she smiled humourlessly. “Sir, let me remind you that you are the most feared villain in all of Paris and _I_ could literally go and tell someone right now.”

“You’d be caught as well, you know. You can’t just say you know I’m Hawkmoth without giving away that you’re Mayura.”

“Mmhmm. Also you only have yourself to blame for that.”

“Actually, I don’t. You’re the one who stole the peacock miraculous from the safe. It’s not like I forced you to use it.”

“Well, you were about to be caught.”

“And now you’re willing to tell on me to the police? Isn’t that just contradictory?”

“Ugh, Ladybug was literally about to take off your miraculous!”

“Yeah, and why did you feel the need to save me?”

“Are you serious, Gabriel?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Maybe, I care what happens to you.” She folded her arms and stared at him defiantly.

An awkward silence followed.

“Anyway, back to the point. If you turned me in, you’d be giving yourself up as well, you know?”

“Gabriel, do you think I care?”

“Um…?”

“I don’t. I don’t care what happens to me. I have nothing, no one to live for.” Tears were sliding down her cheeks.

“Oh Nathalie.” Gabriel’s voice was barely a whisper; she would have missed it in anything less than silence. She was surprised by the change of tone in his voice. He lifted her chin with a finger. Her eyes were trained on the floor, determined not to meet his eyes, but she involuntarily flicked her eyes towards his, and she couldn’t look away from his stormy blue gaze. “What are we going to do?”

***************************

_Love is a nutrient. Essential. And I am deprived. But I also have too much to bear._

_My heart aches for you, Adrien._

_All the time, I can only feel inside me stabbing pain as if I am being hollowed out, leaving just an empty shell._

_I am leaking from the inside, and nothing except you can fill that hole._

_I’m stranded._

_Nowhere to go._

_Like a lump of lead slowly sinking to the bottom of the deepest trench in the ocean._

_Useless._

_It’s like burning ice is slowly spreading out from my core, until I’m frozen._

_At worst, it’s when I remember you; I curl up as small as I can, in agony, all sound blocked against blood roaring in my ears, unaware except from my furtive rocking. At best, it’s a dull, ever-present burning._

_I cried, Adrien. More than I ever have. I cried salty streams, rivers. Until I felt shrivelled, and all I could do was stare into empty, space._

_It hurts to blink; my eyes are that dry. Bloodshot, like every drop of water has been wrung out of me, tears collected in a bottomless jar, evaporating into nothing under the fierce glare of the sun._

_Layers of me peeling away like shifting sand. When the wind blows, I break._

_If I fall prey to the air, what do you think happened to me when you left?_

_My room seems to get gradually smaller, enclosing me, trapping me. What was previously my sanctuary no longer feels familiar, without the pictures of you. But this unfamiliarity is better than the agony I feel every time I see your face. I see the blank billboards on the streets where they have taken down the posters of you. But when they were still there I couldn’t even walk past without collapsing onto a bench._

_I can still hear your delighted laugh, envision your warm smile._

_I want you, Adrien. I crave you._

_My blankets, previously softer than feathers, are now rough boards that dig into me like sandpaper. I feel every grain, every imperfection, pressing into my bare skin._

_The walls seem to get even closer, my throat mirrors the action, constricting until I have to gulp and gasp for breath. I am being suffocated by a giant hand, a mere puppet. A plaything for a cruel master, yanking on my heartstrings. Snipping one by one my ties to reality, so I slump like a ragdoll._

_I yell, voice muffled by the brick that is my pillow, to a God I didn’t believe in for 14 years of my life._

_Why did you take him?_

_I thought that fate brought us together._

_I thought that is was destiny when you first gave me that umbrella._

_The umbrella._

_I choke down a sob when I unwillingly turn my head to see it, the unassuming bundle of black fabric in the corner. Of course I kept it. Not that I need it to remember you._

_There are times when I look at your empty seat in class._

_I think I can feel your hand in mine, your lips brushing against my forehead._

_But it’s all a cruel joke played by what I thought could never betray me._

_My own mind._

_It’s a war inside. Myself vs myself. Who will win? Or will the battle keep on raging until I wither up, exhausted, and die?_

_My eyes, once bright, are now dull and empty. They will never light up again because you will never light up again._

_And I will have to deal with that._

_Second by second._

_Minute by minute._

_Hour by hour._

_Day by day._

_But I feel I will never heal._

_Why did you fricking leave me Adrien?_

_Part of me wishes I could curl up and slip into an endless sleep._

_But sleep brings dreams._

_And the hardest part of dreaming is knowing that waking up is inevitable._

_My skin was snow; I melted beneath your warm touch._

_Your brilliant laugh resonated with my heartstrings, which twanged along in symphony, hoping to be loud enough so that you would hear my joyful song. Conveying my feelings without words._

_Your warm, genuine smile, not the fake one you put on for the crowd, your true feelings betrayed by the wistful look in your deep green eyes. It brought light to my cloudy day to see that your friends could draw that out of you. A temporary release. But when you thought no one was looking I alone saw the melancholy in your eyes. I could have helped you. But I was too late. Your pretence was so good, your walls too strong, no one noticed how bad it was until it was too late._

_My subconscious mind conjures images of you._

_Laughing in the park with our friends. Escaping to the cinema to watch your mother’s movie. Sitting in front of me in our class._

_But then I wake up and you’re not there._

Marinette shut her diary, slumped onto her bed face down, and did not move. Tikki gently covered her with a blanket, but it did nothing to ease her shivering.

The kind that sets in when you lose someone who was more than just a friend and you feel there is nothing left in the world for you.

*********************************

“Tikki?”

“Yes Plagg.”

“What are you doing here?” Asked Master Fu.

“It’s because of Marinette, right? She must be feeling really… sad,” said Plagg, his eyes devoid of their usual playfulness.

“Sad?” Tikki looked enraged. “You have no idea! She’s falling further and further down into this dark hole and I can’t save her, Master!”

“Tikki, I really do.” Plagg sighed wearily, and her eyes flickered away from Master Fu to him. She said nothing, but compassion blossomed in her eyes as she realised that Adrien’s death had caused a change in him that she had never seen before.

“Marinette’s sleeping at the moment, but I don’t have much time.” Tikki shuddered as she imagined Marinette waking up without her kwami, especially in her current state.

After a second, Plagg spoke, turning to Master Fu.

“Should we tell Ladybug about… you know.”

“Adrien and Chat Noir? Hmm.”

“Master,” put in Wayzz, “I can sense that it’s time.”

“Yes. She will have to come to me soon. I will explain everything to her; she needs to know.”

“But won’t that make her feel worse?” asked Tikki.

“The truth hurts. But it is always better than the alternative.”

“Marinette must be so stressed,” added Plagg. “This revelation will shock her, but it would be better for her to know now, so she could deal with it at the same time as dealing with his death. If she found out later, then it would be even worse; her recovery would be even more prolonged if another bombshell was dropped right after she had just about got over what has happened. We would lose Ladybug, as well as… Chat Noir.”

“Plagg,” said Tikki, “that is one of the most perceptive things I have ever heard come out from your mouth.”

Master Fu clasped his hands together. “Ok Tikki, I will send Wayzz to call you and Marinette, in a few days at most. I need to think things over- how to tell her, what we will do about Hawkmoth.”

“Yes Guardian,” replied the voices of 3 kwamis, one of them getting fainter and fainter as the red and black blur zipped out into the night.


End file.
